Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Prattle Hymn of the Republicans

Remember the wonderful Aughties, the decade that brought you Abercrombie, Jessica Simpson and Napoleon Dynamite, not to mention the zany Age of Terrorism? Now you can recall the best of the unforgettable music and politics of the decade with a new CD: "Bush Was Right" by The Right Brothers!

These Right Brothers attempt to reinvent the airplane with a single that breaks all the rules of the left-wing-dominated pop-music chart. Remember, it's not just music--it's TRUTH DISGUISED AS MUSIC! Bask in the patrotic dance-floor fervor of your youth with such rockin' lyrics as:

Freedom in Afghanistan, say goodbye Taliban
Free elections in Iraq, Saddam Hussein locked up
Osama’s staying underground, Al Qaida now is finding out
America won’t turn and run once the fighting has begun
Don’t you know that all this means…
Bush was right! Bush was right!

Normally, you'd have to pay $100, $1,000, or even $10,000 for all the GOP ass-kissing that you can now find here on one CD! It's yours for the special low price of $2.99 (or 99 cents for the mp3). And thanks to the wonderful tax cuts we're all enjoying, you have no excuse not to buy it! Call within the next hour and you'll receive a free bonus gangsta-rap track, available only through Not Right:

Do Tha Right Thang
by JC and the Watts Coalition

In Y2K and again in the 0-4
Tha OGs of the GOP won in the polls
They captured the hearts and won the right seats
Pump your heart red with our phat beats

G-to-the-Dubya Bush is gangsta lean, yo
He's a terrorist-murderin' machine, ho
Strapped to the cup with fly flight gear,
Mission accomplished, fools, have yo fear

Bush is a hero for cutting our rate of tax
And for weathering the 9/11 attacks
Courage pouring through that New York bullhorn
Not with us? Terrorist, better feel our scorn

So they say proof was weak for the war in Iraq
Yellowcake? Hidden weapons? No need for attack?
But you're just wack, Bush don't hesitate
For Iraq to be saved, we had to devastate

So what if we shrunk our role in Afghanistan?
Even the jarrest of heads understands
That Saddam Hussein waits for no foe
Bye bye, bin Laden! We'll waste another mofo

Being a badass president is no small task
Bush is smart, ain't got no time to ask
For help--That's a sign of illin' weakness
And why waste the military's sick sweetness?

So what if Bush polls at 38 percent?
Kanye is wrong, declared 50 Cent!
The fact is that truth can be unpopular
Bush'll drop a storm on the haters' Doppler

Shock and Awe is the way of the USA
Slack jaws and DeLay run the world today
If you're not on our side, you can say goodbye
We'll own the world in the blink of an eye

(c) 2005 Mephistopheles Records

This offer not available in self-respecting stores. Operators are standing by to take your PATRIOT Act-mandated order call. Act now!


Flamingo Jones said...

See, now....THIS I would shamelessly and illegally file-share without a hint of guilt :)

Murph said...

well done, sir.

Jarhead said...


The Goblin Slayer said...

That was pretty funny, Ian. You did, however, insult me with the jar-head comment. But that's OK, unlike most leftists, I have a sense of humor!

Ian McGibboney said...

Thanks, Goblin. But how is the jarhead comment insulting? It's just a twist of speech. I could just as easily have said, "Even the most talking of heads" or, "Even the most ditto of heads" and it would have the meant the same thing. Within the context of the song, the right-wing rappers are saying everyone knew that Saddam had to be deposed, that's all.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Well, to be completely honest, Ian; I merely stated that I was insulted in order to throw a playful "comment jab" atcha.

Actually, the context reminded me of how I chuckled from listening to the lyrics from anarchy bands in the 80s.

Phillip said...

keith olberman commented on the song saying that the promoters would say that the reasons for the video NOT being played on MTV would be purely political and couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that the song just sucks.

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, the promoters might have a point; when was the last time MTV didn't play a song simply because it sucked?

Nick said...

If MTV didn't play a video simply b/c a song sucked, then why the hell is some untalented airhead like Ashley Simpson so popular?

Also, does MTV even play music videos anymore?

Ian McGibboney said...

Nick, I suspect your disagreement reflex was triggered too quickly; reread my (admittedly awkward) question and you'll see that I totally agree with you.

Nick said...

No, I understood your question, and was agreeing. That question was directed at Phizz. I heard a clip of this Right Brothers CD on a radio show, and I think their musical talent is pretty low.