Thursday, October 06, 2005

Pro-Football Poetry Corner

This Sunday, The New Orleans/San Antonio Saints travel north to play the Green Bay Packers. Such a matchup has prompted a trash-talking free-for-all between myself and Not Right's resident Cheesehead, Flamingo Jones. We've been volleying the tirades and insults for several days now.

The hook? They're written entirely in haiku. Don't ask.

Here are some selected haiku from the thread, which currently contains more than 100 about the game. Mine are in green and Flamingo's are in red.

This year's Packers win
The Lombardi Atrophy
And not much else

Brett Favre can play ball
But "Something About Mary?"
His cameo sucked!

Wimpy Fleur-de-lis
is no foe for bold-face "G."
Symbols go to war.

The cold is our friend.
We play better with frost-bite.
Can you say the same?

Brett Favre is too old
To be playing pro football
Did Bart Starr start last?

I don't want your hat
Cheese is good, but hard to wear
When it has been creamed!

I can't wait to see
what happens when the Saints lose.
Will you weep, Ian?

Rabid Packer fans,
tail-gate in Lambeau's lot
anxious for your loss.

Cheddar is sharp, yes,
Like former Packer Sterling.
Don't you miss his ass?

Laugh with the sinners
Or cry with the Saints? Hell no!
No crying this weekend!

Sterling was quite good.
We all miss him dearly, yes.
We'll still kick your ass.

I hope all your plays
get flags of a yellow hue.
Penalties galore!

Saints fans don't need bags
Because the D will have sacks
On your boyfriend Favre

The ghost of Curly
Lambeau will haunt your team.
Ghosts hate Saints, you know.

Lambeau, Lombardi,
Reggie White. They must channel
Patrick Swayze now!

The Green Bay Packers
Are nothing without Brett Favre
And also WITH him!

How many Saints then,
to screw bulbs? None. No
electricity.

How many light bulbs
Can Brett Favre screw? Only one.
Then his manhood bleeds.

Not if, WHEN Saints lose
you should wear a cheesehead hat
grocery shopping.

Your grocery trip
Should consist of crow for you
To eat Sunday night!

The trash-kus continue here.

Join in, or just watch.
Either way, you'll be in for
Bizarre trash-talking!

8 comments:

Murph said...

My faves:
Saints fans don't need bags
Because the D will have sacks
On your boyfriend Favre

And Flamingo's electricity joke ... ouch.

Here's mine:

Only Packers Fans
Would Talk Shit in Japanese
Haiku - Cuz you suck.

Flamingo Jones said...

Ian started it.
Both light-bulb jokes AND trash-ku
and he's a Saints fan.

Ian McGibboney said...

But it was Jonesy
Who had the idea to
Write in haiku. Dork.

oyster said...

My fave ends with the "then his manhood bleeds" capper.

Fun stuff!

Phillip said...

jesus christ, can't you football-fan meatheads ever stop spouting poetry?

Murph said...

Black and Gold Super
Bowl, Saints Are Gonna Tootsie
Roll, Farve cries alone

Murph said...

How many haikus
Does it take to prove the Pack
Can go lick my sack?

thehim said...

Fifty-two to three
The Pack do not suck that bad
The Saints? Godawful