Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Where morons go to sound dumb

Presenting the College Republicans script on the War on Terror!

Wonder no longer as to why your friendly local GOP fanboys always sound like concussion-addled cheerleaders when discussing current events! The aforelinked list is a service of the College Republican National Committee (the outfit once headed by college dropout Karl Rove) as a tool for its faithful members to express what's on their collective brain.

This list of undeniable factoids will endow even the most casual GOP Drekkie with the information needed to set the record straight regarding the foreign affairs of the Bush administration. Recite these truths as written, and rhetorical opponents will bow at your feet! Why? Because the left can recite facts and figures all they want about the roles of various nations in the 9/11 attack. But the truth is much simpler and harder to counter. What follows is but a sample of the wisdom you can rely on from the CRNC. For your convenience, key terms to remember are printed in bold.

President Bush has outlined three commitments in America’s new approach to peace in the world, and we have found successful results:

President Bush is defending the peace by taking the fight to the terrorists.

President Bush is protecting the peace by fostering good relations among our allies and international institutions to isolate terrorists and outlaw regimes.

President Bush is extending the peace by supporting the rise of democracy, as the alternative to hatred and fear in the Middle East.

With talking points like these, who can deny that George W. Bush is a man of peace? But lest some wonky liberal claim that Bush has repeatedly called himself a "war president," or that a state of never-ending war is not peace, remind them of this:

As the world’s most powerful nation, President Bush believes that the United States has a special responsibility to help make the world more secure.

And who can argue that Bush is the world's most powerful nation? No one who knows what's good for them, that's who!

There's much more on the talking-points page. I won't even go into the part about Saddam Hussein being "swiftly captured" on Dec. 13, 2003. Suffice to say, only people whose idea of "swift" comes from the "Boat Veterans for Truth" could take that adjective seriously.

As an added bonus, also check out the CRNC job bank. Work with them now or for them later! Hey, it's how Ted Bundy got his start. And he's famous!

1 comment:

Phillip said...

you know what ian, i'd read the list but i'm more than positive that i've heard them all repeatedly in the past, each making a little less sense than the one before it.

i love how we cram peace down other countries' throats by killing tens of thousands of them.

i love alot of things like that.