Thursday, September 22, 2005

Double whammy!

Rita flirting with Texas/Louisiana coast

LAFAYETTE, LA (PIMP)-- The atmosphere in this southern Louisiana city is one of cautious preparation, as hordes of drivers from the area clog the streets in an effort to beat traffic.

Though Rita is currently expected to impact the east coast of Texas near Galveston, its swath will most likely cover as far east as the greater Lafayette area, 236 miles away. Lafayette was spared the destruction of Hurricane Katrina in August, though it did absorb a considerable amount of the migratory aftermath. Now it's Lafayette's turn, apparently.

The Gulf Coast region, encompassing Southwest Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida, has a long history of enduring hurricane-related damage. Why? Because it's the goddamn Gulf Coast. That's where hurricanes like to go for drinks.

So far, authorities have evacuated Galveston and the outlying areas, as far north as Houston. New Orleans has been evacuated yet again, though it is far outside the projected path of the hurricane. Probably just a reflex at this point.

Popular evacuation destinations at this point include east Louisiana, Arkansas, north Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, Interstate 10, U.S. 90 and that really crowded Chevron off the St. Martinville/Cade exit, the one with no food left and fuel that's in the freaking stratosphere and--what? You're sold out of gas? Bite me!!

Reports also indicate that a few choice parking spaces are still available on I-10 eastbound between Houston and Lake Charles.

Local residents offered very different reactions on the storm. Clyde Bergeron said that he tuned his radio occasionally to track the latest Rita coordinates, and described himself as "cautious, but not scared.

"Earlier this morning, I went to the store and stocked up on supplies," Bergeron said. "We're tracking Rita, and hoping for the best. But just in case, we have adequate food and water and a place to go up north if the need arises."

Lafayette resident Jessica Darby, however, voiced a very different view.

"They said on Fox [News] that we're going to suffer heavy winds and pounding rain, if not apocalyptic forces unparalleled in this millennium," Darby said. "Holy shit! I don't think we can handle that. We could get out of here if these motherfuckers in front of me would GET A MOVE ON!!" Darby then leaned on the horn of her SUV for 20 minutes, during which time traffic moved an estimated eight inches.

"Now I wish I hadn't entered that wet t-shirt contest last weekend. I feel somewhat responsible for this pestilence," Darby eventually added.

Weather reports indicate that Rita is down to a Category 4. Everyone's breathing a collective sigh of relief, just as they did when local gas prices went "down" to $2.58. Hopefully those collective sighs don't result in another butterfly effect. I'm shooting cocoons at this point.


Phillip said...

we are under a voluntary evacuation my friend. i'm going to be one of those people republicans blame after the storm passes for being too stupid to evacuate.

i already have my "HELP US!" sign ready to go.

The Manning Report said...

mandatory evacuation. ha
this storm will be no worse that Lily
and she left a tree on my house
looks to me like its dying off to category 3 before it hits

The Manning Report said...

what is disappointing though is the lsu game got moved to monday
i was looking forward to watching it during the hurricane

Ian McGibboney said...

What pisses me off is that I've had to cancel my trip to see the Saints-Vikings game over this shit. That was the only thing I've had to look forward to in a while. Thanks, Rita, you bitch.

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