Monday, August 15, 2005

Passing the holy plate

Are your Pro-Life bumper stickers overtaking your car's paint? Do your fishy ornaments find themselves with less and less places to swim? Do you live in a Southern state that issues only one license plate? Then are you in luck! Christian License Plates is here to serve all of your car-linary needs! Get it? Plates? Cars? Ah, skip it...

These are not your everyday, garden-variety "JESUS" plates. No sirree Billy Bob! Why settle for the generic store-brand cereal when you can have the name-brand cereal with all of the flashy graphics you've come to associate with the all-time master of humility? Let's take a look at some of the floor models!


If you can read this, you better repent, because you're way too close to survive the collision!


Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight!


And the same old political rhetoric, forever and ever...


It IS kind of a versatile name, isn't it? Praise, swear, etc.


Gee Potsie, I just love this hep new rock-n-roll! It's gear!


Looks great with dead bugs splattered all over it


Yeah...you'll be GAY!


"Suspect's plate is seven zero X-ray seven, state of Matthew..."


It's not skateBOARD, it's skateLORD!


My kid beat up your honored parents


2 Timothy 1:7: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." Why, it's practically a direct endorsement of George W. Bush!


SOLD OUT FOR THE REST OF 2005!

I imagine that these are also available in the form of those tacky shirts that a more religious version of Jean Teasdale might wear. Oh wait! They are!

29 comments:

Flamingo Jones said...

This makes me thankful that Wisconsin requires both front and back plates.

The Goblin Slayer said...

I have always perceived tree-hugging, red-state liberals as haters of all religion and morality. But thanks to you and your blatant angry bias toward Christians, you have proved me wrong. Are you just too much of a pussy wimp to write a satirical piece about Jews, Hindus or Muslims or is it just that Bush is a Christian and you are compelled to denounce anything that is affiliated with him or his beliefs?

wobbleboard said...

Well, Mr. Troll, I'm a tree-hugging blue-state liberal who happens to be Christian as well. (Mind-boggling, huh?) I don't know anything about Ian's beliefs/lack thereof but I don't feel discriminated against. It's laughable to watch conservatives like yourself, who supposedly abhore the culture of victimization, to so eagerly declare yourselves victims.

Furthermore, I agree with Ian that such cheap and tacky religious paraphernalia is, simply put, cheap and tacky. Slapping a Bible verse on something doesn't excuse bad taste. In fact, I believe Bible verses should be treated with a little more reverence than plastering them on cheap, plastic crap you find at Wal-Mart. But I'm just old-fashioned.

And FJ: I agree about Wisconsin plates, though I wish they'd bring the old-school yellow ones back.

rhonda said...

" Are you just too much of a pussy wimp to write a satirical piece about Jews, Hindus or Muslims or is it just that Bush is a Christian and you are compelled to denounce anything that is affiliated with him or his beliefs?" ......um, don't mean to burst your hateful little bubble, but when's the last time you saw a tacky Jewish, Hindu, Muslim or otherwise theology-themed plates? Think carefully. Time's up, and that's right- you've never seen one, either, you fucking neocon idiot.
Ian, great as always :-) I'll email you soon

Ian McGibboney said...

Goblin, I'm with Wob and Rhonda: this isn't about mocking the Christian faith or George Bush. Indeed, I think it's these merchants, not myself, who are perpetrating the REAL mockery.

This isn't to say that I think these people have anything but the best intentions. But you have to admit, it's all so tacky. Several years ago I drew something to this effect, as a parody, and my Christian then-girlfriend saw it and got really mad at me. Not that I blamed her. And yet it wasn't all that different than what's presented here.

Plates like these, whatever their creators' intentions, broadcast the message that "I'm a perfect Christian and I really feel the need to brag about it," a message unique to American neocon Christians. The ones who give all spirituality a bad name.

Alisha said...

Isn’t it ironic that it’s always the ones with the Christian license plates or bumper stickers that are cutting people off and making obscene gestures...what a Christian witness!

Phillip said...

at the moment of truth, standing at the pearly gates, saint peter will be examining the litany of sins committed by someone and be ready to sentence them to hell when... wait, hold on, a christian bumper sticker on your car? oh sweet jesus, come right in! here, have a magnetic jesus fish on the house.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Dear Angry Rhonda,

um, don't mean to burst your hateful little bubble...you fucking neocon idiot.

Hello pot? Calling kettle.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Rhonda,

Here you go you mean, fat c&%t.

Ian McGibboney said...

Goblin, you're a real man with your personal epithets against people you have never even met. Rhonda is a friend of mine and I resent you calling her (or anyone else) a "mean, fat c&%t." That's low even for you. A little less anger might help your argument, whatever it is.

But thanks for the link, Goblin. Just goes to show that there ARE tacky Jewish license plates out there. Actually, they aren't that tacky, and they're hardly smug or hateful. But at least you tried.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Well, Ian, as soon as your friend can conduct a conversation without spewing hateful rhetoric, I will layoff the insults. She should be able to take it. I mean, after all, a liberated free-thinking woman couldn't possibly take offense to such rude, cave-man like banter, right?

The Goblin Slayer said...

Besides, Ian, your comment counts are exceptionally larger when I chime in don't you think?

The Goblin Slayer said...

Those license plates are hateful?!?

I'll give you tacky, but hateful?

rhonda the C-U-N-T said...

congratulations, goblin spunker. you found an example if the aforementioned plate ON THE INTERNET, the superstore of all things obscure. an astonishing feat, indeed. google, anyone? now, when you can crack out your trusty digital camera and find a picture of that HERE IN THE REAL WORLD, maybe in your home town, we can talk. and by the way, i never denied that i'm an asshole, while you seem to deny being a total bigot, so pot calls kettle nothing. if you want to call me a cunt, at least do yourself a favor and be man enough NOT to censor it out. i've answered to much worse ;-) and, finally, you can expect people like myself to call you nasty things and overall be mean to you when you come to an otherwise friendly forum and throw the first punch- remember what you called ian? in conclusion, you're a tool...or t*&#, if it pleases the court.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Wow, Honda, How does calling you a cunt render me a bigot?

I didn't realize that Ian needed a bull dyke to defend him against the neo-con onslaught. Get a grip and lose the alimighty attitude, cause no one's buying, especially from a foul-mouthed hatchet wound like yourself.

Besides, us neo-cons have jobs that would interfere with ultra cool liberal fun such as taking pictures of license plates. Isn't there a vagina stroking party you should be at? Perhaps a rainbow party or cutting session?

Anonymous said...

now you're just reaching for whatever obscenity you can find. it's kind of funny, actually. i still stick with short and not-so-sweet- you're a tool. and i still maintain that i only insulted you because you had the audacity to come here and call ian names. review the posts, and you'll find that you did in fact throw the first punch. don't want to go to the trouble to find an actual factual picture of said license plate? okay, then. i win. you've just conceded that it would actually take effort to find a tacky license plate pertaining to any other religious faith besides christianity where you live. if memory serves me correctly, before all of the childish name slinging, that was my original point.

The Goblin Slayer said...

don't want to go to the trouble to find an actual factual picture of said license plate? okay, then. i win.

It's tough to get a picture posted to Ian's site from inside an office building. Congrats on winning!!

Yay! Being called a tool by a leftist is hardly an insult.

rhonda said...

"It's tough to get a picture posted to Ian's site from inside an office building."
the point is that it would be tough to get that picture, period.
"Congrats on winning!!"
why thank you, kind (not at all sarcastic, i'm certain) sir.
"Yay! Being called a tool by a leftist is hardly an insult." it seems our correspondence has petered down to almost nothing, i'm afraid. which isn't all that much more than it was in the first place. in conclusion, thanks goes to ian for allowing us and people like us to act like grade-schoolers on his blog, and thanks to you for playing with me. c'mon, you know it was BOTH of us. goodbye now!

The Goblin Slayer said...

Ok, Rhonda, i agree...it was fun to play, but hey, when isn't it fun?

rhonda said...

goblin, you know i'm just a stranger on the internet and genuinely mean no harm, right? seriously. take care :-) ian, laugh all you want, it IS funny

Ian McGibboney said...

Goblin, it's hilarious how much you lambaste me for responding to you with lengthy posts. Half the time it takes you three consecutive posts to say what you mean, a sure sign that you aren't thinking at all when you post.

You need to calm down, Goblin, because you come off like a jackass. You don't know anything about Rhonda's religion, tastes or sexuality; but even if you did, your insults were seriously out of line. You have no class whatsoever when you cloak your arguments in line after line of purely hateful invective.

Believe it or not, I did see a couple of points in your little exchange. They seem to boil down to this: 1) most major religions have tacky license plates; 2) some are tackier than others; 3) the aforementioned tackiest plates are the ones that litter American cars by a long shot. The rest is chickenshit. Really.

I side with Rhonda, not because she agrees with me but because she is basically making fun of you, Goblin. She is satirizing your anger, thus neutralizing it. It's been a pleasure doing business with you both. Feel free to visit the Ian playground anytime! We'll jump rope and play on the swings.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Ian, I had to post in increments becuase I HAVE A JOB! HAHAHAHAHHAHAH! I don't have the free time, unlike you, to sit there and draft a lengthy response. I only come off as a jackass to insignificant leftists who disagree with me. Then again, you come off as a jackass to everyone who disagrees with you. What is your point? You want me to stop visiting your blog? Consider it done.

Ian McGibboney said...

Goblin, that's such a cute response! Never mind that it probably takes less time for me write one of my responses than it does for you to fire off your latest epistle of anger. It's called thinking on one's feet.

As for how I come off to conservatives, I have to say that about 95 percent of them at least show some respect for my and others' opinions. If attacking my current troubles is your idea of a debate, then I won't miss you. You'll be back.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Ian,

Listen, you constantly attack my beliefs and now my thought processes. Stop playing the victim card. I have stated numerous times on your blog that I think you are a talented writer, have respected your position and even offered advice on the job hunt, which if I recall correctly, you thanked me for. We have had good debate and we have experienced mud throwing and feces smearing.

Let me slow this down for you.

This is a question, directed to you which requires an answer. Do you not want me visitng your blog anymore? I will respect your request.

Ian McGibboney said...

Goblin, I appreciate your continued visiting to my site. What I ask of you, as well as anyone else who comments here, is that they add to the debate and not continually post angry personal attacks against people.

For example, the job insult was unnecessary and hurtful. That comment served no purpose other than to jab at my personal troubles, which is not your business anyway. I have as wicked a sense of humor as anyone else, but I failed to see the humor in that.

And berate me all you want about throwing feces, but the fact remains that, at least on this thread, you started it. I can't speak for rhonda, nor can I apologize for her continuing the insult parade, but the fact is I really want it to stop. This isn't a personal blog and very little has been said of merit in the last several comments. I don't mind if you stay here and comment all day, but please have something to say.

ccgirl said...

I think all bumper stickers are tacky. I love trees, but I'd rather hug a baby than a tree. Christians are fallen just as all humans, and unfortunately often don't act as Christians. I try to be one, but admit that driving definitely brings out the pagan in me.

The Goblin Slayer said...

OK Ian. I apologize for flaming. I enjoy trading thoughts back and forth with you and I will only raise a defense when initially attacked.

Ian McGibboney said...

Ha ha! I hear you on the pagan thing. Whoopi Goldberg once wrote that, even as an African-American activist, she becomes the worst racist in the world behind the wheel. Human nature, I guess.

Ian McGibboney said...

Agreed, Goblin.