Friday, August 05, 2005

Here, there and underwear

--King Fahd of Saudi Arabia died this week after 10 years of ill health. He has been replaced by 80-year-old King Abdullah. See you next week!

--CNN suspended Robert Novak indefinitely after he swore at James Carville on "Inside Politics" and subsequently walked off the set. Oh, and because he's a CIA-agent-outing douchebag.

--The Irish Republican Army announced that it would renounce its armed campaign, provided that Britain reduces its martial presence in Northern Ireland. This monumental decision is expected to pave the way for the IRA and the 401(k) to coexist in peace.

--In entertainment news, comedian Charlie Murphy confirmed this week that The Dave Chappelle Show is no longer in production. Murphy cited Chappelle's recent "spiritual excursion" to South Africa as a major factor in the star's decision. Rick James? Now he's Mel Gibson, bitch!

--Authorities extended Martha Stewart's house arrest by three weeks on Aug. 4, but wouldn't say why. Some speculate, however, that the extension was just a consolation prize to Homeland Security since they haven't caught anybody else.

--A new book is out entitled, Why Do Men Have Nipples? If you ask me, co-author Billy Goldberg seems only too excited to answer that question.

The book, co-written with humorist Mark Leyner, examines such medical phenomena as chattering teeth, diseases on toilet seats and morning breath. Do you suppose they worked on the book over lunch?

"Now Mark, let's talk about why beans make you fart--yes, waiter, I'll have the fondue, thank you." "Hey, Billy! Traces of ringworm are often found on toilet seats! Yeah, I'll have the spaghetti."

--In license plate news, Florida has reported great success with its new John Lennon "Imagine" specialty plate. It's particularly popular among those who lease their cars because they believe in "no possessions."

Florida residents can personalize the plates as well. The most commonly requested combo? "BYE JEB."

--In world news, rampant poverty in Niger has left record numbers starving. When pressed for comment, George W. Bush said, "Then why don't they just eat?"

9 comments:

Flamingo Jones said...

If I was an annoying person, I'd just post the word "First!"

But I'm not.

Ian McGibboney said...

How bad is it that I can go 17 hours without a comment? People must really hate these posts. Figures, they're the most fun to write.

Gloat away, Jones!

Joe said...

Heys, I forgot about this then I remembered and now I am dumping it here. DO with it what you will. Oh, and I got off my ass and have new content over at my place. As if you care.

1) Lafayette voters opted for fiber in amazing numbers, yet typically vote against government and for business at every opportunity. In what ways does this completely blow your mind? The more graphic your answer is, the more credit you get.

This blows my mind in the following way: did you ever see the 80's sci-fi/horror movie "Scanners"? The head exploding guy was me on election night. Some people attribute the fiber win to a race of pinko commie pod people who took over the city, but if this is true, then where were they during the last presidential election and can you tell them they can stay at my place in November, 2008.

2) Compare and contrast Iraq and Vietnam. Or, as an alternative question, explain why doing that would be really depressing.

Vietnam was united in there vision for the future: non colonial communism. Iraqis have lots of different ideas about there future: Islamofacism, seccession, civil and religious wars and secular Western style democracy. Just kidding about the last one.

3) As the Cajun saying goes, "pass a good time." But why on earth would you want to let it pass?

As a man who has passed many things, I choose not to answer or even ponder this question.

4) Same question I asked Zac, but who hasn't yet answered it: If the old saying goes that "Politics is show business for ugly people," then how do you explain Rep. Stephanie Herseth (D-S.D.) ? Show your work.

She's no Kathrine Harris, that's for sure. She needs more lipstick, IMHO.

5) Finally, if you were a teacher and you had a student like Horshack, would you ever actually call on that person?

Sure I would, if he was as famous as Horshack is.

rhonda said...

don't be silly, i love these posts...well, maybe other people hate them, i don't know...but I LIKE THEM and i suppose that makes it all worth it, riiiight? take care. i'll email you about the praxis nightmare after i take the damn test tomorrow morning.

Ian McGibboney said...

Thanks, Joe. Incidentally, I think Herseth looks a lot better than Katherine Harris. Harris looks like the bitchy stepmother I never had. Or maybe that's because of WHO she is.

Rhonda, good luck with the PRAXIS. I'm glad the education field likes you better than it does me.

Nick said...

Icon:

All these posts at 2 and 4 am tell me one thing. YOU NEED A F-ING JOB!!! B/c, my son, staying up late all nite and drinking beer is not healthy for you (see all my late nite comments on your blog for example).

"Daddy told me once, he said, 'Son, only a fool stays out all night.' It's 4 am, I'm out here on the avenue. I got no money, but you know I'm doing alright." -- Pat Green

thehim said...

Nick,

I think it's a toss-up whether staying up late drinking beer is worse for you than a job.

Doing both is rough, though.

Ian McGibboney said...

Nick, I almost always work at night and hardly ever drink.

Also, thanks for the job advice. That never occurred to me. But unless you're offering me a job, knock it off.

Ian McGibboney said...

Oh, and another thing, Nick. Don't call me son. I'm older than you.