Stuff you already know, but with me saying it!
--This week, Mark Fuhrman hit the bestseller list with "Silent Witness: the Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death," a book blaming husband Michael Schiavo for negligence in Terri's collapse. But if Fuhrman's track record of making people look guilty is any indicator, then Michael has nothing to worry about.
--Retired U.S. General William Westmoreland, perhaps the best-known Vietnam commander, died Monday night at the age of 91. He is expected to immediately commence spinning in his grave.
--Karl Rove. The best argument yet against outing yourself.
--Kentucky governor Ernie Fletcher announced today that he will discontinue the "smiling sun" license plate that many residents simply refused to put on their cars. The state is currently considering several redesigns, among them a banjo, a crate of moonshine or a smiling Colonel Sanders.
--In other license-plate news, legislators in New York are debating the issue of special license plates for DWI offenders. They're dented and the numbers appear crooked and double-stamped.
--Convicted Olympic bomber and anti-abortion extremist Eric Rudolph received a life sentence Monday. Just goes to show you how pro-life America really is: we're showing mercy to the man who is the best argument yet for abortion.
--The search for the missing teenager in Aruba continues, with investigators having found a piece of duct tape covered with blonde hair. The next phase of the operation? Finding her.
--This week marks the 80th anniversary of the infamous Scopes trial, which allowed the teaching of evolution in schools. Some still decry the decision today, which proves that we haven't evolved that much after all.
--And finally, sources tell me that former Saints quarterback Heath Shuler is running for Congress in South Carolina. He couldn't run in Louisiana, because we remember the last time Shuler tried to run something.