Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Proof that fraternities are all the same

From the July 20 Vermilion [emphases mine]:

The Vermilion ran a picture (twice, unfortunately) of the Kappa Alpha house located on the University of Louisiana at Lafayette’s Fraternity Row with a story about Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity in the July 6 issue. [...]

Kappa Alpha fraternity has been involved in no wrongdoings. Kappa Alpha Psi, the real focus of the story, is a different fraternity and has been suspended from campus activity beginning in the Fall 2005 semester because of hazing allegations. Kappa Alpha Psi has no campus house. [...]

The pictures run with the July 6 story should not have been run. They are wrong.

Not to pile on, but Kappa Alpha Psi is a black fraternity, while Kappa Alpha Order was founded by those who used to own blacks. The Vermilion regrets any confusion this might have caused (its staff). Believe it or not, I understand the newspaper's error. As a notorious non-frat myself, I never did grasp the subtle nuances between hundreds of groups whose names are seemingly random combinations of 24 letters. But that could be the GDI in me.

In the interest of preemptively quelling charges of anti-fraternity prejudice here at Not Right, I have solicited a rebuttal from local frat man Lawrence "Spliff" Petersen. The words that follow are his and his alone. They are reprinted in their entirety.

Frats RULE, beeyotch!

By Lawrence "Spliff" Petersen
Sigma Tau Delta
University of Louisiana

Dude, that was totally not fair! I resent those who attempt to broadly stereotype us Greeks. Let me tell y'all something; members of fraternities and sororities average higher grades, more school participation and more community-service hours than the student body at large. Plus, there's no model Greek! All types of people join for all kinds of reasons. Like beer! Everyone loves beer. Young or old, male or female, white or black...doesn't matter! What brings together Americans quite like the firewater? As fraternities, we are all about bondage of the human race, no matter how drunk we have to get to do it! WOOOOOO!!!!

And that diversity is exactly what drew me to the Greek life. Every fraternity has its own traditions and character. Hell, some are white and some are black! When you stop in at a Kappa Alpha Order function, you know immediately that you are not at a Kappa Alpha Psi step show. Completely opposite vibes, man. You can accuse us of a lot of things, but you can't call us homogenous. How boring would it be if every fraternity had a mix of races and genders? Then you really couldn't tell anyone apart!

And because it's so easy to be awash in a sea of new faces, some of us find the Greek community is an excellent way of making friends. Sure, enduring rush week was a much more tedious process than just simply finding friends on my own, but would those friends paddle you or bleed you dry through exorbitant fees? Hell naw, man! Only my brothers love me that much!

So let's check the scorecard so far: Panhellenic organizations promote brotherhood, gentlemanliness, scholarship, community involvement and drinking. That's a lot of big, important words. What pisses me off is people like Ian friggin' McGibbawhatever trying to undermine all of the good things that Greeks do. How the hell would he know about us, anyway? He never joined a fraternity in college! All he knows is what he sees, because he never went through the glorious ritual of rush. He doesn't have a clue as to our sacred initiation practices. Even if he did see us having our bare asses spanked by older guys through the window that night while he was driving down the road--and I'm not saying he did--he's still ignorant of WHY we deserved it! Has Ian ever leafed through a top-secret pledge book or had to memorize the Greek alphabet? Has he been driven out to a distant city in the middle of the night with only $5 to get home? No! Why? Because that's a privilege you have to EARN, buddy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go. Me and Rocky, Keg Gut, Firefly and Top Jimmy are going to stock up for our mixer with Tri-Theta tonight. They're "rushing" me out the door! Get it? Lata, peeps.

16 comments:

Nick said...

Icon:

Are you trying to pin a racial aspect to this story. Personally, I think greeks are crap. My fiancie (however you spell that) was a Phi Mu at UL, and I continuously let her know that that is her main (and probably) only flaw.

Ian McGibboney said...

Nick, the point of the racial aspect is that those two particular fraternities are diametric opposites of each other. One celebrates the Old South and the other is black. There's irony in both the similarities of their name and the fact that the Vermilion got them confused.

Flamingo Jones said...

Are you sure you didn't go to my school? This all sounds so familiar. Except at my school THE most popular frat was Alpha Gamma Rho. AGR. The farmer frat. Swear to god.

Man, I really hated those pricks.

Ian McGibboney said...

I should also mention that Sigma Tau Delta, comic possibilities aside, is actually the name of the English honors society at UL. STD. No joke.

Phillip said...

"would those friends paddle you or bleed you dry through exorbitant fees?"

yes. a resounding and emphatic yes.

wobbleboard said...

Man, I really hated those pricks.

So that's part of the initiation ritual, too?

jen said...

Not just the English Honor Society at your school, Ian, it's an international English Honor Society. www.english.org.

I'm an STD alum, though when I was in school I just told people I was gonnorrhea (WAS, not HAD).

Anonymous said...

As a fellow fraternity man I salute you i am a active member of KAO and OLD SOUTH is coming up rather soon!

On the other note i read your material and to no offense i didn't know that a english honor students could be in a frat? just throwing that out there and i like the differences in this i have friends in Kappa Alpha Psi their cool as hell!

About the rush stuff i can still recite my Greek Alphabet in under 10 seconds! =)

fored495 said...

being greek is about being a part of something that is far more than just yourself. i'm a KA from nicholls state and i can promise you that from my own experience being greek is one of the best things you can do in college. its not all about partying and lolligagging through college. fraternities have study hours, group meetings, ritual, and hundreds of more activities that are all geared to helping students out in their journey to become helpful citizens of the world.

Greek life can get you a job, a new friend or two, a wife, almost anything you desire because you are part of something that is generations old. im sorry for how that STD pertrayed greeks. but then again thats why he's a sigma tau delta. Some fraternities are more geared towards school and helping the community. i know at nicholls state there are at least 3 fraternities that are always constantly helping out around the city and are always willing to help a fellow student with anything.

i must say, you cannot judge being greek if you are not greek. its prejudging a large group of people that you dont even know. and thats petty and childish like the girls in high school that called another girl a slut just because she hung out with alot of guys. its not fair and if you want to judge someone like that then you need to grow up.

and to all those who say being greek is just buying friends. it isnt. i was friends with all my fraternity brothers, and all of the rest of the greek community long before i decided to become greek. i didnt have to buy anything, i had friends but i wanted the right to wear those letters, and for that you have to pay. it used to be you had to get beat or taken out in the woods at 2 am and made to do pushups til you cried then walk home. but its not like that anymore. at least not at nicholls. being greek was the best decision i made since i decided to go to college. so to that guy that said his wife's biggest flaw was that she was a phi mu, i can bet any amount of money that if i were to ever meet you i could point out numerous flaws about you too, but for you to say your wife biggest flaw is that she wanted to be a part of something is completely idiotic, thats like holding it against someone if the were a cheerleader in highschool its stupid and prejudice. and i have no respect for people like you.

if i've offended anybody i'm terribly sorry you're so close-minded :D

Ian McGibboney said...

You do realize this was a joke, right?

Anonymous said...

ME personally, as a "FRATERNITY MAN" not a commonly misused and offensive term of "frat boy", I would like to comment on this post.

One of the hardest things to do in a fraternity is to recruit and rush new men. Due to the social stereotype presented by morons like the author of the original article.

From my experiences I think that all men should HAVE to join a fraternity at some point to see through all of the stereotypical "bullshit" raised by non greeks. I joined as a first semester freshman and had it not been for greek life and the standards that you have to obtain to even join ( a 3.0 GPA), I more than likely would not have been in college very long due to partying and drinking in a non greek related setting. I.E.- the guy across the hall from me that failed out in the first semester with a 0.01 gpa. Also, It gives you something to join with and back you in your times of need and big life decisions (like getting married).

Finally, If you aren't greek, then you aren't right in the fact that you cannot accurately tell of how a fraternity works, bonds, functions, or inspires members rather than the commonly preconceived notion of hazing, parties parties parties, and sex with massive amounts of sorority women.

Thanks, If you disagree... oh well.

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, you've never been me either, but that didn't stop you from judging me to be a moron, right?

I've got as strong a support network as anybody. Different people get things in different ways. Don't be so hyper-defensive.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say I'm black and a member of KA best choice I have ever made...

Ian McGibboney said...

I straight up don't believe you.

Anonymous said...

KA actually has multiple black presidents and hundreds of black members. Research.

Anonymous said...

Y'all are fucking morons our chapter has black people and a mexican and we're one of the upper tier chapters on campus. We have great grades, raise a lot of money for muscular dystrophy and have a hell of a good time doing it.