Sunday, July 10, 2005

Like the Sunday Comics, but with news!

TOP STORY:Just one day after London won the Olympics in 2012, terrorists bombed four hubs of that city's public-transportation system, killing more than 50 and wounding hundreds. I join the rest of the world in offering sympathy and best wishes for the victims and their families in this and all similar incidents. I'd also like to praise our leaders for retiring the line about "taking the fight to the terrorists" and also for not replacing it with talk about "home-field advantage." The media also deserves points for exercising dignity and not referring to the incident as "G8-Gate."

Hurricane Dennis is set to strike the Gulf Coast, and is reportedly strong enough to hit as far north as Indianapolis. But in order for the windbag to take the midwestern states, it must first win the south. What doesn't have to win the south these days?

With the retirement of Sandra Day O'Connor from the Supreme Court and other departures rumored to be imminent, George W. Bush is currently weighing options for new nominees. I sure hope nobody told him him that, technically, SCOTUS justices don't even have to be lawyers. Whoops, did I type that or did I just think it?

Lawyers reached a plea deal in the case of a Montana man who had threatened to kidnap David Letterman's son. Under the agreement, the man will keep his list of Top Ten demands to himself.

Crews at Mount Rushmore on Thursday began cleaning the presidential faces for the first time in 65 years. George Washington, in particular, was looking more like George Wash-me-ton (rimshot)! In good news for Republicans, Rushmore officials said that they are now more open to adding Ronald Reagan's face. His visage, they said, would be too dirty to ever have to waste time cleaning.


Nick said...

1. The London bombing was indeed a horrific and sick act. My question is, what should we do rather than fight the terrorists? Compromise? They don't compromise. They think anyone different than them should killed.

2. Damn right you gotta win in the South these days, and don't forget it. Our food is better, women look better, and I don't have to waste time shoveling snow to get out of my house. On a more serious note, I feel really bad for the people in FL. Many of them stll haven't yet repaired their homes and/or businesses from last year. I'm sure many liberals will somehow blame Bush and his "oil buddies" for causing these hurricanes.

3. Hopefully a real conservative will get the nomination rather than another O'Conner. And no, Alberto Gonzales is not conservative, and I don't want him.

4. After all the kidnappings and murders in FL and Idaho, we're still allowing potential kidnappers to plea bargain? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 3 times, then we must be f-ing idiots.

5. Wash-me-ton? Maybe I should find that funny, but I just finished watching "Airplane!" 10 min. ago and therefore, I'm now hard to please.

Ian McGibboney said...

1) I'm first in favor of finding out who did it before we give in to the bloodlust.

2) The south is overrated. It's nice enough if you like 2,000% humidity, impenetrable community cliques and at-times brutal ignorance. Oh, and did I mention frequent hurricanes? There's good things about it, sure. But I personally don't think that it's so much better than any other part of the country. It's just the one that talks about it the most.

3) The SCOTUS justice should be a moderate, period. The point of the Supreme Court is to settle matters of law, not enter extreme ideology into the mix. Short of that, the idea of nine justices is to have balance. And there's already too much conservatism. Seeing Republicans gloat over their upcoming "war" in the Supreme Court makes me SICK. It's evident to anyone with a pulse that this is a power grab for them, not a matter of national interest.

4) You should teach Bush that credo. He could use the help.

5) You could at least tried to "humor" me...get it? Ah ha ha ha!

They're jokes, man. Jokes.