Like the Sunday Comics, but with news!
TOP STORY:Just one day after London won the Olympics in 2012, terrorists bombed four hubs of that city's public-transportation system, killing more than 50 and wounding hundreds. I join the rest of the world in offering sympathy and best wishes for the victims and their families in this and all similar incidents. I'd also like to praise our leaders for retiring the line about "taking the fight to the terrorists" and also for not replacing it with talk about "home-field advantage." The media also deserves points for exercising dignity and not referring to the incident as "G8-Gate."
Hurricane Dennis is set to strike the Gulf Coast, and is reportedly strong enough to hit as far north as Indianapolis. But in order for the windbag to take the midwestern states, it must first win the south. What doesn't have to win the south these days?
With the retirement of Sandra Day O'Connor from the Supreme Court and other departures rumored to be imminent, George W. Bush is currently weighing options for new nominees. I sure hope nobody told him him that, technically, SCOTUS justices don't even have to be lawyers. Whoops, did I type that or did I just think it?
Lawyers reached a plea deal in the case of a Montana man who had threatened to kidnap David Letterman's son. Under the agreement, the man will keep his list of Top Ten demands to himself.
Crews at Mount Rushmore on Thursday began cleaning the presidential faces for the first time in 65 years. George Washington, in particular, was looking more like George Wash-me-ton (rimshot)! In good news for Republicans, Rushmore officials said that they are now more open to adding Ronald Reagan's face. His visage, they said, would be too dirty to ever have to waste time cleaning.