Sunday, June 19, 2005

Caption Contest

"No education without desecration" edition

--WAY TOO OBVIOUS: "A, B, C, D, F, I mean, E, F..."
--"No Child Left Behind," huh? So what's with the black kid, George? Is his place behind you some kind of subtle statement? And don't even get me started on that girl's hidden face!
--Once again, Dubya sends the subliminal message that only the white guy's vote counts
--Why does this picture bring to mind the "three-fifths" rule?
--Bush, worried that the kids present would "bust a cap in my butt," wrote them up for not wearing the required school uniforms
--Where's an eraser when you need it?
--Thanks to a little-known rider making NCLB retroactive, Bush had to take the IOWA test to avoid pulling a Billy Madison
--"Presenting Irony Week on Password!"
--They're not smiling, they're laughing. What else can you do in the face of such unreal legislation?
--"Let's see...if Brain A departs from reality at 12:30 p.m. at a rate of 100 miles per hour, and Brain B departed years before at twice that speed, then at what point will test scores multiply at exponential speeds in order to meet stratospheric demands by 2006? Show your work."
--"Students of America, you're about to receive the best education ever on how NOT to repair our embattled public-school system."
--Never has the term "fill-in-the-blank" been so apt
--When you think of the need for education reform, you think of George W. Bush
--He shoots! He TEST SCORES! (This caption courtesy of Tom Alday)
--Bush got in his last game of desktop Tic-Tac-Toe before NCLB officially went into effect (the kid won)
--What does it say about Bush that he seriously looks like the least-educated person in this picture?
--This isn't really a caption, but I want to reiterate how much I absolutely fucking HATE "No Child Left Behind." It's the reason I'm not a teacher, frankly. Were it not for its unrealistic standards, which virtually no school system I'm aware of has any hope of meeting on schedule, I could have been hired as a teacher for the next academic year while undergoing certification. But not this year! Now I would have to do (and pay for) the courses on my own with no guarantee of employment, something I cannot do in my current situation. And they wonder why they can't attract people to the education field. All right, rant over. Because I don't want to close a caption contest on this note, I'll end with this one:
--"Now, now, Mr. President! No note-passing during gratuitous photo-ops!"


Murph said...

After the 25th photo, Ted Kennedy's fake smile falls apart into a grimace of shame.

Brookelina said...

pssssst. What's the answer to number 4?