Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Jesus can't drive his VW in WV

Just when I think this country is going deep into the bowels of the Religious Right...

Jesus Christ denied driver's license in West Virginia

Yes, you read right! MSNBC reports:

Attempts to prove his name really is Christ have led the man born as Peter Robert Phillips Jr. through a lengthy legal battle and a recent victory in the District of Columbia Court of Appeals.

“This all started with him expressing his faith and his respect and love for Jesus Christ,” attorney A.P. Pishevar told The Associated Press. “Now he needs to document it for legal reasons.”

Described by his attorney as a white-haired businessman in his mid-50s, Christ is moving to West Virginia to enjoy a slower lifestyle. He bought property near Lost River, about 100 miles west of Washington, and has a U.S. passport, Social Security card and Washington driver’s license bearing the name Jesus Christ.

Comprehension questions for this unit:

1) How does renaming oneself after Jesus Christ in any way a reinforcement of his teachings of the virtues of meekness and humility?
2) If Popes don't need licenses, then why should the Lord and Savior of all mankind need one to drive the gravel roads of West Virginia?
3) Couldn't he have just gotten a Jesus fish or something?
4) CHALLENGE! In the devout state of West Virginia, why hasn't the arrival of Jesus Christ in the flesh netted more news coverage than this?
5) BONUS POINTS: What Would Jesus Drive?

Christ applied for the legal name change in May 2003....

You have to admit, seeing Christ's name as an attribution in an MSNBC article is pretty cool! Anyone else getting Onion flashbacks here?

In his appeal, Christ’s attorney argued that Phillips had changed his name to Jesus Christ 15 years earlier, and “has been using the name since then without incident.”

At last! The Republicans finally have a guy who's willing to bring Jesus into America's courts, in the most literal sense. Why, he must be like a savior to them!

Or perhaps not. I mean, if Jesus can't run for president, why should we allow him to get a driver's license? Next thing you know, every dirty furriner in the country's gonna want a license too! And we can't have illegal aliens driving around legally, now can we?

Any comment from the man in the middle of this legal tussle? “Christ is not speaking to the press at this time,” Pishevar said.

Too cute! No publicity-stunt intended, I'm sure.

This is perhaps too easy...but do you suppose that, when someone stubs their toe near this guy and cries "Jesus Christ!" he's all like, "What?"


PusBoy said...

I'm changing my name to God. Then, I'll pull rank on this dude and tell him to get me a beer.

Ian McGibboney said...

PusBoy, I actually have an article on guys named God, including a guy who played in the NBA and had his own basketball card showing his name. I should put that up here too.

On an unrelated note, Tom Alday has (to borrow a phrase from The Dukes of Hazzard) hit a new high in lows. Check out why I called
this thread
"the single most ignorant excrement I have ever read on this blog."

Flamingo Jones said...

You'd think a guy who is so "devout" as to legally change his name would have paid a little more attention to that fine-print I like to call "the 3rd commandment":

"Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain."

I bet God is going to be pissed about that.

Anonymous said...

Ian, I loved the license pic. My only critique was the "Heavenburg." Since this is Louisiana, maybe "Heavenville."

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, that's true. But then again, the Heaven part's also a bit of a stretch, isn't it?