Friday, May 27, 2005

Could you be a conservative?

If you think that African-Americans don’t deserve reparations because you “had nothing to do with what my ancestors did,” yet you’re more than willing to browbeat everyone (and yourself) about Original Sin…

If you believe that tax cuts for the poorest segments of society make them lazy, yet big businesses deserve tax cuts for motivation…

If you, without irony, think gays are going to hell because “Real Men Love Jesus…”

If you believe in the “free market,” yet you have no problem with Wal-Mart…

If you think John Kerry was a flip-flopper for changing his mind about Iraq, yet Strom Thurmond supposedly renouncing his racism was emotional growth…

If you think the filibuster is a far worse weapon than a handgun…

If you consistently accuse liberals of parroting the official party line of Democratic Underground, yet unabashedly toe the Fox News/GOPAC/Free Republic lines…

If you nod your head when Ann Coulter calls for the death of liberals for being unpatriotic traitors, yet get angry whenever truthful comparisons between Republican and Nazi tactics are made…

If academia is your number-one enemy, unless someone’s outdated thesis can be used to justify an unjustifiable war…

If you think the Democrats lack charisma, and would do well from observing the personalities of such likeable men as Dick Cheney…

If you dismissed John Kerry as being too dull and Howard Dean as being too emotive…

If you think Iraq was responsible for 9/11 and thus deserved to be attacked so we could save the nice people of that country, who would greet us with flowers for saving them from their weapons of mass destruction which they never had but we thought they might, and this makes a bit of fucking sense to you…

If you sincerely believe that George W. Bush, the Ivy-League-educated scion of a former president and governor of Texas, was somehow a Washington outsider…

If you think “Red Dawn” was a documentary…

If you think No Child Left Behind is great education reform, despite the fact that very few educators seem to like the program…

If you believe that welfare takes up 50 percent of the federal budget…

If you think gambling is the work of the devil, yet the stock market is a gift from God…

If you believe that Bush found his calling after 9/11, but never bother to ask yourself why you voted for a man who you knew to be aimless and incompetent 10 months before…

Then you just might be a Republican. And you’re definitely in need of some help.

21 comments:

M said...

My parents fit every one of those...

Mustang Bobby said...

I linked this quiz at my place, so if you get any visits from there, let me know.

Kelli said...

LOL...that is AWESOME! Should I be crying instead of laughing, since 62 million Bush-loving Americans clearly fit this description?

Ian McGibboney said...

Kelli, yes.

Flamingo Jones said...

How about "If you think that your children's teachers belong to a terrorist organization, but you give abortion clinic bombers a wink-wink nudge-nudge"?

yournamehere said...

One more: "You think decorated vet John Kerry is a war criminal and blatant deserter George W. Bush is a war hero..."

The Goblin Slayer said...

If you think that African-Americans don’t deserve reparations because you “had nothing to do with what my ancestors did,” yet you’re more than willing to browbeat everyone (and yourself) about Original Sin

Can you please name one African American in this century that suffered directly from slavery?

I would question the rest of your absurdity, however, there are way more important things to do, like make it known that progressives and radical Islam are on the same team.

Ian McGibboney said...

Goblin, I was gearing up to read the article that you linked, but I when I saw the name "David Horowitz" I rejected it offhand. The man has made his meal ticket of late perpetuating the lie of the Islam-left alliance, with the help of--as he himself quotes--"with the support of FrontPageMag.com and Newsmax.com, the Washington Times and National Review -- and of course talk radio." Five of our most partisan and useless news resources.

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you don't black people are suffering anymore from the effects of slavery. That's so ludicrous I don't even know where to begin with it. Not that it matters anyway, because my point with that statement was that conservatives pick and choose what to use and what to ignore in history whenever it's expedient to them. Your statement is proof of that.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Ian,

There is direct quotes from the left's new hero in the article. You can't lie about direct quotes, Ian.

Very tolerant of you to bash my link without reading it, btw.

Mr. Fiddlefeet said...

It's a STRAWMAN EXPLOSION!!!!!!

Ian McGibboney said...

Giblin, I did read it. Who is the left's new hero? I missed that memo. And I certainly didn't pick up on it by going through the article.

And yes, I will continue to dismiss any piece-of-shit article that proclaims that people on my side of the aisle are in league with al-Qaida to destroy America. That is the most hysterically pathetic, direspectful and irresponsible claim ever made on this site, and I will give it no such legitimacy. Try harder, Goblin.

Anonymous said...

You should change the title to "Could you be a Neocon?" since the "Conservatives" don't fit most of those options. The "Neocons" may call themselves "Conservative" but they are anything but that. The "Neocons" give traditional "Conservatism" a bad name (or maybe just worse, in your opinion).

The Goblin Slayer said...

McGobbeny,

Way to go on providing me ONE name of an African American who has suffered from the effects of slavery this century. Well done, lad.

Ian McGibboney said...

I don't usually resort to personal attacks, Goblin. But you are just lame. McGobbeny? Is that supposed to be an insult? Give me a break.

Nice delayed reaction, by the way. I could give you names of people I know that have been at least indirectly affected by slavery, but that would be a pointless exercise. You don't know any of these people. And that's my point. How many black people are there in Congress? Very few. How many black leaders do we have? Very few. African-Americans are 12 percent of America, yet make up half of the prison population. Poverty, illiteracy and racism remain rampant in America. I could go on and on. Don't give me this quasi-racist, "give-me-one-name" bullshit.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Sorry about the delay, but having a family and a life outside of blogging usually takes priority over snide remarks left by green wannabe journalists.

The reason more blacks aren't elected is becuase there aren't many blacks running. If California is the bastion of liberalism and left thought, why are those two wacky (rich, by the way) white chicks representing the state in Congress?

Better question: How many blacks were in Clinton's cabinet?

My parents immigrated to America from Europe in the late 1950's. How much should I pay to the poor ensalved blacks, Ian? And, once you answer that question, can you quantify with proof that our judicial system puts away more blacks based on racism instead of the prosecution proving the accused is guilty? After you are done proving your accusations you can work on why 30% of the inmates of this country are here illegally.

Ian McGibboney said...

So you spent an hour with your family, Goblin? Wow. Clark Griswold, move over! Seriously, can we stick to the issues? You don't know me and I don't know you.

And I'm not going to get into a tortured rationalization over the politics behind California's Congressional representatvies. That's not the point of this post.

The point is that, when Bill Clinton wanted to give reparations to the descendants of slaves, the right went apeshit. "We can't feel guilty for what our ancestors did!" they said. At the same time, these neocon theocrats want us to run our country on what someone wrote 2000 years ago. It's an awfully selective memory, if you ask me. THAT'S my point.

If you need a genealogy tree for me to quantify to you to roots of racism and inequality, then you're either ignorant or a racist.

As for the black judicial inequity: as a demographic, blacks are generally poorer than most other ethnic groups. When you're poor, you can't afford a decent lawyer. In Texas, defense attorneys have slept through trials, resulting in death penalties in some cases, just to give one example. So yeah, I'd call that a problem.

The Goblin Slayer said...

Ian, get a friggin' grip. Politics is a business. Clinton offered reparations for blacks, which none have been slaves for over 140 years, for the sake of keeping the black communities voting for him. After all, hasn't he been coined the first Black President?! What a shakedown. So instead of creating situations for blacks to improve themselves through hard work and personal responsibility, he offered a handout from people who had nothing to do with slavery who happen to be white; which is, by the way, disgustingly racist.

You and your politics offer no ideas; you just regurgitate the typical left-wing tripe that has been losing elections for you guys and gals over the past 12 years. And mark my words, it will continue.

Since you refuse to answer any questions posed to you, I'll answer them for you. Perhaps you will learn something and in fact take the blinders off your eyes.

Blacks have served in Congress since Reconstruction, Ian; Hiram Revels, of Mississippi who served in the 41st Congress from 1869 to 1871, for example. By the way, he was a Republican.

To quote from Encarta Encylopedia :

“There were 8,936 black officeholders in the United States in 2000, showing a net increase of 7,467 since 1970. In 2001 there were 484 mayors and 38 members of Congress. The Congressional Black Caucus serves as a political bloc in Congress for issues relating to African Americans. The appointment of blacks to high federal offices—including Colin Powell (chairman of the U.S. Armed Forces Joint Chiefs of Staff, 1989-1993), Ron Brown (Secretary of Commerce, 1993-1996), and Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas—also demonstrates the increasing power of blacks in the political arena.”

Give it up. Reparations would be appropriate in 1870, not 2005.

Ian McGibboney said...

1) Politics being a business is one of its current problems.

2) Clinton didn't need to shore up black support at any point in his presidency, ever.

3) Personally, I don't mind giving a reparation to the descendants of those who were forced to work for free to make America the power it is in the first place.

4) What are the "situations for blacks to improve themselves through hard work and personal responsibility" are you referring? The same ones that are on every conservative's slash-list whenever the Army needs another hundred missiles?

5) "Regurgitating left-wing tripe"...you've been regurging that line for about 12 comments now.

6) The Democrats won every election from 1992 to 2000, vote-wise, and barely lost in 2004. To what "12 years" are you referring?

7) I specifically mentioned blacks in terms of national representation. I know there are blacks in local government; hell, I report on local councils on a weekly basis! But there could still be more in Congress. Maybe then they wouldn't NEED the Black Caucus just to ensure that they won't be totally ignored.

8) I know about Hiram Revels and his compadres, as well as Colin Powell and Clarence Thomas. Republican tokens. Thomas is the GOP's tool and Powell's input was ignored until he quit out of indignation. Don't even get me started on Condi Rice. They just prove the national inability to accept real black politicians.

Defend your view all you want. But this entire digression came from your outrage my claim that there's still racism in the United States. Which cannot be denied.

Ian McGibboney said...

I forgot, another one:

9) Hiram Revels was a Republican at the time that the Republicans would later become today's Democrats. The true party of Lincoln. No Republican alive today can track their ideology to any Republican before Teddy Roosevelt. And even he wasn't that right-wing.

Meaghan Champion said...

Howdy,

I loved this post. Was thinking about your post about reparations for slavery and for a couple of years, I've been tossing this idea around the Libertarian Party.

I would be very excited to see "Total Tax-Immunity" for descendents of those who suffered directly by slavery. Life-Long tax-exemption for African Americans.

What do you think?

I know that some of the LP ex-com were really excited about promoting the idea.

Marvin Bakos said...

Where can I to learn abt it in detail?