--Um...sure, no problem?
--Okay, will do!
--Because if you don't, someone else will!
--"What do you mean, 'cry for help?' Wha?"
--It tickles Barbara just the right way when you push "play"
--I don't want to know what's happening underneath...
Oh hell, I just can't do this anymore! What contribution am I making to the American political discourse by dumping on the First Daughters? It's not as if they had any say in their dad's political aspirations (hell, neither did he)! They seem like your normal, everyday, high-society snobs. I know plenty of girls like that. I'm not friends with girls like that, mind you, but I know them. Self-centered, SUV-coveting, trust-fund-milking little party sluts...All right, just a few more and I promise I'll quit!
--The name of the video? The highly unanticipated straight-to-tape sequel, "Stepford Daughters"
--Girls, the photographer was joking when he said to plaster Saran-Wrap across your faces!
--The photographer got them to smile by balancing a bottle of beer over his head
Okay, I'm done. Perceived snobbishness and lame senses of humor aside, I don't really have anything against the Bush daughters. Hell, I wouldn't mind meeting them, just so I could get a personal perspective. Even now, I continue to hold hope that at least one of them will grow up to have a mind of their own.
That said, however, I think they deserve all the ridicule in the world for the video that the above graphic announced in the first place. Both veteran readers of this blog will recognize this picture from an Oct. 30, 2004 post, which heralded what was probably the most unintentionally hilarious video of the Bush campaign. I say unintentional, because it was meant to be funny in one way and was instead funny in quite another. In short, Jenna and Barbara present their dad in some "unscripted moments." You just know where this is headed:
WATCH! Dubya kiss his mom in a bizarre Oedipal manifestation!
VIEW! Laura's Xanax kick in mid-sentence!
WITNESS! George explain that he puts "more tax money in your pocket to spend here"--while standing in a jelly-bean store!
FEEL! George's kinship with his canine, Barney: "We bark together, pick fleas..."
FISH! As Oil Boy fumbles with his pole!
GET! Inside Bush's mind as he rehearses "I'm George W. Bush and I approve this message"
CRINGE! As Dubya says "Osh Kosh, by gosh!"
You can't buy comedy like this. Apparently, you can't even see it for free anymore, because the video has been moved or taken down. Apparently I wasn't the only one embarrassed by the vapidity of the First Family.