Tuesday, February 01, 2005

He Hate Me...and Him Hate Me Too!

In tribute to Groundhog Day--a day when we celebrate a creature who lives its life buried deep in dirt--I give you today's piece from Vermilion conservative columnist John Hinson. After 13 months of column writing, he has finally honored the time-tested rule so faithfully and repeatedly executed by his two conservative predecessors:

Vermilion statute 3.016 (d)-- Re: Columnists: When out of original ideas, obsess incessantly over and write (preferably false) gossip about Ian McGibboney.

"I cannot imagine taking, for example, the cynical, satirical, and often tactless approach of Ian McGibboney. I firstly do not need that many enemies, and secondly, it does nothing for his actual position. He makes his point, but it often comes off as more of an afterthought. Is McGibboney attempting liberal conversions? Let me just say from the numerous people I have come up to me with 'death warrants' for him that he is not winning hearts, but perhaps he does win some minds on occasion."

He also quotes one of his acquaintances as saying this:

"'The liberal guy is walking all over us. You need to stand up for us conservatives!'"

What he needs to do is stop turning in his political-science notes as columns and really get incisive with his writing. But that's just my opinion. I'm no expert on walking all over people.

And as a bonus, here's a sampling of several e-mails I've been receiving from a colleague in the English department (not John Hinson):

"Personally, I'm looking forward to your graduation so that I, and the rest of us that get totally annoyed with our discussion board being used as a political blog by you and a few others, will see you heading on for greener pastures - away from here."

He then followed up that message with a political post on that same discussion board. Poetic.

Oh yeah, he also said this, which in no way describes anyone else on that forum:

"I, and several of your peers here in the department, find your constant 'know-it-all', my-way-or-the-highway rhetoric to be exhausting at best. Frankly, we're all a little sick of it."

And this...

Now, I don't know about you, but the way I see it is that your 'view of facts from observation of things' is called opinion - the furthest thing from fact (at least that's what I teach my freshman). Also, 'understand that you'll never believe a word I say unless I have 5,000 words from someone else backing it up' - that's called 'supporting an argument' - something else that I teach my freshman. See, I'm not an expert on generational demographics - so I found empirical information so as to make an informed argument. Now, in the case of this little discussion, I was pretty sure I knew you were full of shit - so, to be sure that I wasn't full of shit before posting something, I provided the empirical data to back up my claim - somehting I learned in 5 years of working as a journalist (again, something you should really consider) - wait, no, something I learned in high school.

Somebody mentioned that the above was an example of something called "condescension." Can somebody please explain what that means? I'm pretty stupid, so use small words.

But the dumbest thing about all this? It all started when someone posted a CNN report that cited scary numbers on the apathy of high-school kids regarding the First Amendment and freedom. I said that such ignorance was a bad thing that transcended politics. How rude of me!

11 comments:

MPH said...

It was wrong of you. How dare you care about kids! They are the scourges of the Earth and will ultimately screw things up more than they will help. We're all doomed!

Michael said...

Just remember, Ian, if the wingnuts are berating you, you must be doing something, um, not-wrong. :-)

The Manning Report said...

Ive never liked Hinson that much. His columns were always boring to me and he never wrote on conservative ideas. When Nick B. was writing, it was always good stuff, Hinson really put the column into the toilet. I don't even bother reading the title of his columns cause I know they are terrible. I would almost rather read a Rob Guillory column than read his. And thats saying alot.

Flamingo Jones said...

Ian, you 1st Amendment freedom-loving bastard.

MagicalShrimp said...

God damn, where do you live that makes it normal for people persecute you like that? (I mean, somewhere in America, but *where?*) If you lived up here you'd be the majority and conservative bullies would be rare and not given any serious attention. But I guess all things considered, it's better if you keep doing what you're doing and refuse to give in. I would think that professionals at a fucking university would be a little more mature. And stand up for conservatives? In the United States? You live in a neo-con paradise! I thought you guys were supposed to be the tough manly ones!

Ian McGibboney said...

MagicalShrimp, I live in Not Canada.

Rob Guillory said...

Well, aren't we Mr. Popular? HAHA...

Ian McGibboney said...

So what happened to you, Rob? Everybody's asking...

Nick said...

Um..Icon, not to be picky, but when did I ever gossip about you or attack you in my columns? I actually took up for you when Hinson accused you of hating your own race. I think once I may have said you were misguided. However, you once wrote I was overrated. Those aren't exactly the same as Hinson's rant. Refresh me if need be, but I can't recall attacking you in the paper.

Ian McGibboney said...

Nick, I'm not saying you did in a bad way. Cheramie certainly never had anything bad to say about me. What I'm referring to is the tendency for you guys to devote considerable column space to me every so often. You did say I was "misguided," and I had to take your heat when your column "ACLU supports pedophilia" appeared under my name that one time. But all three of you have devoted paragraphs from time to time about Ian McGibboney, which I'm sure means something or other. Just making light of the fact, that's all. I don't mind at all, in fact.

By the way, if you're reading this, Manning, I was looking at a document I made to track letters I got and I realized that you had sent the two best letters I'd ever received. Remind me to post those sometime!

The Manning Report said...

If your talking about the times I wrote into the Vermillion yea. I thought you had already known that.