Friday, January 07, 2005

Tainted threads

What the distinguished conservative will be wearing, if any exist

This post comes with my first-ever warning:

So conservative equals profane? Posted by Hello

You guessed it! Time to take another shopping trip to Right Wing Stuff, that famous repository of uncensored conservative thought that you can wear on your sleeve!

Heading off this exciting new clothes rack are the standard shirts that you can wear when constantly screaming your deepest beliefs to startled passers-by makes you too hoarse:

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe... Posted by Hello

Like the cola, it's best enjoyed with cocaine Posted by Hello

We could even start a war over it! Posted by Hello

The GOP way to say: "I got laid...nine months ago!" Posted by Hello

And you know how the GOP loves industry... Posted by Hello

Bush, 9/11, never stops! Posted by Hello

Too bad it's 2005! Posted by Hello

Of course, the Republicans have steamrolled all branches of the federal government for the next few years. So what's at the top of a conservative's agenda these days? Arming oneself against a tyrannical encroaching government, of course!

My gun, that is...still looking for my penis Posted by Hello

So why isn't the second the FIRST? Posted by Hello

One nation, under Gun... Posted by Hello

Then there's the oh-so-always-hilarious France bashing, serving the dual purpose of equating France with terrorism and equating terrorism with (shudder!) France:

Then France has nothing to worry about Posted by Hello

Under the influence of the drugs I sold him! Posted by Hello

Then there's the "wit and humor" section, which is heavy on irony (because most of it is neither witty nor funny):

That's not a nice thing to say about the Bush daughters! Posted by Hello

Is this really a good comparison for Repubs? Posted by Hello

But Osama shirts are as hard to find as Osama Posted by Hello

Um...don't we already have that? Posted by Hello penises being that small Posted by Hello

I'm gonna fist that Bush pussy! Posted by Hello

Hannitized=Contaminated? Posted by Hello

Help prevent spousal abuse...kill the bitch! Posted by Hello

Held up to a black light, you can see the "not" Posted by Hello

If he did the Dixie Chicks first, it'd take his mind off the first four Posted by Hello

I did, however, find one thing rather amusing: Right Wing Stuff presents us with some self-depreciating humor in the form of a major flip-flop! Can you spot it?

That's right! They can't decide whether Red Heat or Terminator is their favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie! Losers!

There's also that famous conservative emphasis on edumacation:

And so is my spelling of "closed-minded" Posted by Hello

A-ha! So they DO think the Earth is flat!! Posted by Hello

Speaking of edumacation, how's this for a Young Republican button?

You VILL vork vor uz! Posted by Hello

Some of the shirts just defy captioning or commentary, even from my snide fingertips:

Even here in south Louisiana, I have yet to see any of these shirts worn. I guess even Republicans have some degree of tact. However minuscule.


PusBoy said...

Jeezy-chreezy, that's some hubris.

Joe said...

I left a note on someone's car a few month ago. It read

"Some ASSHOLE put a "Bush for president" sticker on your bumper. I thought you'd want to know."

BTW, I put a link to your site on mine. Your zooming up the Google link heirarchy now!

Phillip said...

I love the "Kids help stop child abuse, obey your parents". I would have gone with "Parents help stop child abuse, abort your fetuses".

Zachary said...

That one tshirt frightens me because it is absolutely illegal, by federal law, to sell and own the Seal of the President. I say turn em in, Ian.

oyster said...

As usual Ian, great job! No one does it quite like you do.

Those last three are truly bizarre, you were right not to caption them. What could be said.

(Oh, and nice catch on the mispelling!)