What the distinguished conservative will be wearing, if any exist
This post comes with my first-ever warning:
So conservative equals profane?
You guessed it! Time to take another shopping trip to Right Wing Stuff, that famous repository of uncensored conservative thought that you can wear on your sleeve!
Heading off this exciting new clothes rack are the standard shirts that you can wear when constantly screaming your deepest beliefs to startled passers-by makes you too hoarse:
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...
Like the cola, it's best enjoyed with cocaine
We could even start a war over it!
The GOP way to say: "I got laid...nine months ago!"
And you know how the GOP loves industry...
Bush, 9/11, Iraq...it never stops!
Too bad it's 2005!
Of course, the Republicans have steamrolled all branches of the federal government for the next few years. So what's at the top of a conservative's agenda these days? Arming oneself against a tyrannical encroaching government, of course!
My gun, that is...still looking for my penis
So why isn't the second the FIRST?
One nation, under Gun...
Then there's the oh-so-always-hilarious France bashing, serving the dual purpose of equating France with terrorism and equating terrorism with (shudder!) France:
Then France has nothing to worry about
Under the influence of the drugs I sold him!
Then there's the "wit and humor" section, which is heavy on irony (because most of it is neither witty nor funny):
That's not a nice thing to say about the Bush daughters!
Is this really a good comparison for Repubs?
But Osama shirts are as hard to find as Osama
Um...don't we already have that?
...at penises being that small
I'm gonna fist that Bush pussy!
Hannitized=Contaminated?
Help prevent spousal abuse...kill the bitch!
Held up to a black light, you can see the "not"
If he did the Dixie Chicks first, it'd take his mind off the first four
I did, however, find one thing rather amusing: Right Wing Stuff presents us with some self-depreciating humor in the form of a major flip-flop! Can you spot it?
That's right! They can't decide whether Red Heat or Terminator is their favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie! Losers!
There's also that famous conservative emphasis on edumacation:
And so is my spelling of "closed-minded"
A-ha! So they DO think the Earth is flat!!
Speaking of edumacation, how's this for a Young Republican button?
You VILL vork vor uz!
Some of the shirts just defy captioning or commentary, even from my snide fingertips:
Even here in south Louisiana, I have yet to see any of these shirts worn. I guess even Republicans have some degree of tact. However minuscule.
This post comes with my first-ever warning:
So conservative equals profane?
You guessed it! Time to take another shopping trip to Right Wing Stuff, that famous repository of uncensored conservative thought that you can wear on your sleeve!
Heading off this exciting new clothes rack are the standard shirts that you can wear when constantly screaming your deepest beliefs to startled passers-by makes you too hoarse:
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...
Like the cola, it's best enjoyed with cocaine
We could even start a war over it!
The GOP way to say: "I got laid...nine months ago!"
And you know how the GOP loves industry...
Bush, 9/11, Iraq...it never stops!
Too bad it's 2005!
Of course, the Republicans have steamrolled all branches of the federal government for the next few years. So what's at the top of a conservative's agenda these days? Arming oneself against a tyrannical encroaching government, of course!
My gun, that is...still looking for my penis
So why isn't the second the FIRST?
One nation, under Gun...
Then there's the oh-so-always-hilarious France bashing, serving the dual purpose of equating France with terrorism and equating terrorism with (shudder!) France:
Then France has nothing to worry about
Under the influence of the drugs I sold him!
Then there's the "wit and humor" section, which is heavy on irony (because most of it is neither witty nor funny):
That's not a nice thing to say about the Bush daughters!
Is this really a good comparison for Repubs?
But Osama shirts are as hard to find as Osama
Um...don't we already have that?
...at penises being that small
I'm gonna fist that Bush pussy!
Hannitized=Contaminated?
Help prevent spousal abuse...kill the bitch!
Held up to a black light, you can see the "not"
If he did the Dixie Chicks first, it'd take his mind off the first four
I did, however, find one thing rather amusing: Right Wing Stuff presents us with some self-depreciating humor in the form of a major flip-flop! Can you spot it?
That's right! They can't decide whether Red Heat or Terminator is their favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie! Losers!
There's also that famous conservative emphasis on edumacation:
And so is my spelling of "closed-minded"
A-ha! So they DO think the Earth is flat!!
Speaking of edumacation, how's this for a Young Republican button?
You VILL vork vor uz!
Some of the shirts just defy captioning or commentary, even from my snide fingertips:
Even here in south Louisiana, I have yet to see any of these shirts worn. I guess even Republicans have some degree of tact. However minuscule.
5 comments:
Jeezy-chreezy, that's some hubris.
I left a note on someone's car a few month ago. It read
"Some ASSHOLE put a "Bush for president" sticker on your bumper. I thought you'd want to know."
BTW, I put a link to your site on mine. Your zooming up the Google link heirarchy now!
http://www.itsfullofstars.blogspot.com
I love the "Kids help stop child abuse, obey your parents". I would have gone with "Parents help stop child abuse, abort your fetuses".
That one tshirt frightens me because it is absolutely illegal, by federal law, to sell and own the Seal of the President. I say turn em in, Ian.
As usual Ian, great job! No one does it quite like you do.
Those last three are truly bizarre, you were right not to caption them. What could be said.
(Oh, and nice catch on the mispelling!)
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