Sunday, December 26, 2004

A Christmas Carol (W Remix)

Ever have one of those dreams that is so real, so therapeutic and so satisfying that you wake up feeling emotionally fulfilled and orgasmically refreshed? I had one of those dreams on Christmas morning.

The dream involved a visitation to my college campus by George W. Bush, who was there to visit families of the 256th Infantry Division of the Louisiana National Guard (currently deployed in Iraq). In one of those twists possible only in dreams, he was allowed to tour campus without security. The idea behind this was that Bush could present flowers and condolences to family members with minimal intrusion.

Well, you just know I went to town with that.

At one point Bush visited Griffin Hall, which is the language building at the University of Louisiana. I didn't see any families there (like I said, this is a dream, right?) so I had no clue as to why he carried a bouquet of white roses. At one point he passed right by me, with that ever-present smirk on his face and muttering things one could possibly perceive as smug remarks. After giving him a little head start, I decided to follow him.

"Mr. President," I called out, "It's good to see you!"

He turned around and smirked even wider.

"So how come you have yet to attend A SINGLE MILITARY FUNERAL?"

The smirk faded, replaced by a look of momentary look of shock and then a snarl. He swiftly turned around and increased his stride.

"Why do you choose to start wars for no reason, then send out an unprepared military to fight them?"

By this point a crowd of students were witnessing our little exchange. I heard one say, "I told you he was going to do this." Without turning to address either me or the students, Bush briskly turned left at a corner. By then we both were running full-speed.

"IF YOU REALLY SUPPORTED THE TROOPS, THEN WHY DON'T YOU BRING THEM HOME? WOULDN'T THAT BE A MUCH BETTER TRIBUTE THAN LIP SERVICE TO GRIEVING FAMILIES?"

Bush turned around. His dumbfounded look said it all. Then he gave me his standard response to such allegations (nothing), then walked out the doors into the safety of his security cocoon. At no point during this conversation was I restrained, detained, drawn, quartered, killed or blown up. Like I said, a dream.

I woke up with the odd feeling that I had actually accomplished something. I doubt that; still, that dream was a pretty good start to my Christmas Day. Hope you all had a good time.

2 comments:

Michael said...

I'm not sure I'd call it orgasmic in nature, but it's certainly a nice little fantasy. Incidentally, let me recommend excising Emperor Chimpy's picture from your banner: having to look at that man gives me gas.

Ian McGibboney said...

Michael, I prefer to think of it as galvanizing, myself. But take heart. It's only for a week.