Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Make lust, not war
British forces release Abu Ghraib video of their own...except that this one is sharp, sexy and features a pair of willing lesbian hotties (presented here solely for news purposes)
Can you imagine? White after Labor Day!
A special report from the Not Right Iraq Bureau, sex desk (okay, it's actually from News of the World, the British Sunday equivalent of a really raunchy Parade):
The depraved film of two pretty girl soldiers performing degrading acts as drunk squaddies jeer them on was shot six weeks ago—inside a British Army tent in the heart of the Iraqi war zone.
But last night the two blondes and other troops involved—all members of the Royal Engineers—were being quizzed by the Royal Military Police Special Investigation Branch.
Please understand--in Great Britain, conduct like this is only acceptable on Page Three!
Army investigators studied the tape's contents carefully and quickly identified those taking part, which unit they belong to and where they're based in Iraq.
I'm sure they did..."Hmmm....is that JANE? I'd know those nipples anywhere!"
Many pictures of the scenes are too disgusting to print in a family newspaper.
Hmm...but this was okay?
Keeping abreast of the news
The girls, referred to as Angie and Jane, are seen writhing on top of each other and performing explicit sex acts together.
Not to be nitpicky, but that sentence is in "passive voice." It should read, "The girls, Angie and Jane, writhe on top of each other and perform explicit sex acts together." Good grammar, people!
As Jane, in pink shorts, and Angie, in black sweatshirt, kiss and grope each other intimately several of the bellowing crowd lunge forward to join in.
Much better! See? You writers are catching on! Active voice, not passive voice!
The drinking scenes will worry top brass as well as the sex.
The drinking scenes worry the sex? Sentence structure, fellas!!
As the inquiry progressed last night, a source from the Redcaps' investigation team told us: "This is the first time in my 20-year Army career I've come across something like this. It's very much a one-off.
Sure it's a one-off, if you don't rewind it!
"But it's an utter disgrace and these few bad apples will be rooted out."
"Unless we can, uh, work something out, if you know what I mean." No wonder the United Kingdom might withdraw from Iraq (rim-shot)!
What does it say about the UK that their biggest Iraq-related scandal is some lesbian-sex video? Shouldn't the United States be so lucky?
And speaking of tits, John Ashcroft apparently resigned...
¶ 11:33 PM
Can you imagine? White after Labor Day!
A special report from the Not Right Iraq Bureau, sex desk (okay, it's actually from News of the World, the British Sunday equivalent of a really raunchy Parade):
The depraved film of two pretty girl soldiers performing degrading acts as drunk squaddies jeer them on was shot six weeks ago—inside a British Army tent in the heart of the Iraqi war zone.
But last night the two blondes and other troops involved—all members of the Royal Engineers—were being quizzed by the Royal Military Police Special Investigation Branch.
Please understand--in Great Britain, conduct like this is only acceptable on Page Three!
Army investigators studied the tape's contents carefully and quickly identified those taking part, which unit they belong to and where they're based in Iraq.
I'm sure they did..."Hmmm....is that JANE? I'd know those nipples anywhere!"
Many pictures of the scenes are too disgusting to print in a family newspaper.
Hmm...but this was okay?
Keeping abreast of the news
The girls, referred to as Angie and Jane, are seen writhing on top of each other and performing explicit sex acts together.
Not to be nitpicky, but that sentence is in "passive voice." It should read, "The girls, Angie and Jane, writhe on top of each other and perform explicit sex acts together." Good grammar, people!
As Jane, in pink shorts, and Angie, in black sweatshirt, kiss and grope each other intimately several of the bellowing crowd lunge forward to join in.
Much better! See? You writers are catching on! Active voice, not passive voice!
The drinking scenes will worry top brass as well as the sex.
The drinking scenes worry the sex? Sentence structure, fellas!!
As the inquiry progressed last night, a source from the Redcaps' investigation team told us: "This is the first time in my 20-year Army career I've come across something like this. It's very much a one-off.
Sure it's a one-off, if you don't rewind it!
"But it's an utter disgrace and these few bad apples will be rooted out."
"Unless we can, uh, work something out, if you know what I mean." No wonder the United Kingdom might withdraw from Iraq (rim-shot)!
What does it say about the UK that their biggest Iraq-related scandal is some lesbian-sex video? Shouldn't the United States be so lucky?
And speaking of tits, John Ashcroft apparently resigned...
¶ 11:33 PM
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