Sunday, October 10, 2004
A Sunday sermon
Good Sunday, my flock at Not Righteth About Anything of Lafayette Parish. This week we've got a killer sermon for you, so let's all get on our knees...oh wait, that's after the service. Never mind. Sit in the pews and buckle up, because this ride's about to roll! Here are the latest dispatches from Fundie Land, courtesy of http://forums.go.com/abcnews/thread?start=0&threadID=49368. Grab your passport and let's travel!
What follows is the message that heads the thread. Not content with claiming that a vote for Kerry is a vote for terrorism, the religious right also warns that it's also a vote for SATAN!
In my opinion, those of us who are genuine Christians must let our faith help us decide who to vote for. The democratic party [sic] has given away nearly every issue that once held my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents as democrats [sic] for as far back as any can remember. The democrats [sic] now stand against anything and everything related to being a Christian. Let me summarize what a Christian has to give away in order to vote against Bush and for Kerry...
1. They have to give away the issue of abortion- that's about 5,000 innocent lives per day. Kerry will abort them at 40 weeks if he can get away with it. (Personally?)
2. They have to give away anything related to protecting God's definition of marriage. (What?!!) Kerry will sign ANYTHING that will make him look open minded and progressive. (Oh no! Not that!! Must be one of those famous right-wing non-insults.)
3. You have to give away strategic defense issues. If Kerry had his way, most weapons systems we use today would not be available. He would have had a nuclear freeze. (AAH!!) He is anti-war, period. I don't care what he says. (Well, I kind of like the fact that he's not a hawk like Bush.)
4. You have to give away authority to send troops as a last resort. That will be a decision left to the UN. (Um, sure, why not?)
5. You have to give up morality in general. I was reading an ESPN the magazine [sic] article the other day where he used the "f" word out of the blue, for no apparent reason. He is the OPPPOSITE of the kind of role model we want for our kids. (As opposed to Dick Cheney? Or his warmongering and bloodthirsty running mate?)
6. You have to give up on tax cuts. Kerry WILL ROLL BACK the tax cuts (GOOD!) and that will just be the beginning. Don't believe the hype, folks.
And last but certainly not least, I beg you, if you actually claim Christ, consider what Kerry stands for and what President Bush stands for, then ask yourself which man stands for anything even NEAR what the Bible tells us is important. (Amen, brother. Who knew this person was a Kerry voter?)
Stop listening to the pundits. Stop listening to the liberals on CNN, CBS, ABC, and NBC. Listen to (me! Er, I mean,) your heart and look your kids in the eye and vote for the man that is right for the job. (And you're voting for BUSH?)
Please consider this also: why would the hatred be so strong against this President? The answer is that the forces of evil hate him and want him gone. I'm not saying that all of you are evil or that every person who votes for Kerry is evil. (Um, yeah, that is what you're saying!) I'm just saying that the deception is very strong and difficult to resist. Personally, I can see past the partisan lies and see that he is the man who should be our President. (Great! Oh, you mean Bush.)
After all these years, I'm still waiting for a volunteer from the religious right (Carl P, perhaps?) to explain to me just exactly what tenets of Christianity can be found in George W. Bush. As far as I can tell, Bush openly advocates killing (his wars, constant use of the death penalty), ignores the needs of the poorest of our citizens (cutting social programs, cutting taxes for the top percentiles while doing nothing about high payroll taxes) his apparent hatred for peace (too many examples to count) and his obnoxiously public displays of faith (a major violation of Jesus' words in Matthew 6:5-6). Will one of you theocrats PLEASE explain that for all time?
But if spirituality lacks in the Bush administration, religious dogma is plentiful. Count on the Bushies to exercise control of the masses through fear, intimidation and the peril of non-conformity. And don't forget the manipulation of revered manuscripts and documents to justify the unjustifiable. In short, all of the worst traits of religion. I do see that. That's definitely there.
Our next entry explains indisputably why the ultimate paragon of peace, Jesus, would be all for our little global conquest:
I don't have to make up what Jesus would say about war- it is written in black and white in Romans. I have posted that passage in another answer in this thread. I'll tell you. God has given the responsibility of protection and law to our government.
You see? God has blessed our government! It can do no wrong! Except, of course, for welfare.
At this point I must ask all of you who are in the process of consuming food, drink or medicine to put it down before you read the next sentence; this will save you from spewing it all over your computer as well as avert a potential choking hazard:
If the President and those in authority have said that they believe war is necessary, that is their call.
Yeah, just like the way you guys worshipped Bill Clinton, right? When God told him to bomb Kosovo, you guys said that he was just diverting attention from Monica Lewinsky's semen-stained dress. Why didn't you trust God then? Did you really want to look at Clinton's semen that badly? On second thought, don't answer that...
I'm not saying it's wrong to question them on it. Please do- they need accountability. However, the lies and hatred about the war that are spewed by many have no place in my opinion.
In other words, feel free to express your opinion, as long as it is MINE. But let's give these commentators the credit they deserve; whether or not they were consistent with Clinton and Bush, they certainly seem to be on the right track with Bush and Kerry as agents of God:
I'll submit to the authority that God has put into place. If Kerry gets elected, it will be because God has placed him here. I will pay my higher taxes and I will respect him as my President. I may not agree with what he stands for or what he does, but he'll be my President.
Either we've found the most consistent Christian wingnut ever, or the most braindead one. Probably both. I get the feeling that, if this person decides to stay home on election day, they'll feel it's because God wants them to be apathetic. And if a gas main happens to explode from neglect while they're at home, then obviously God wanted them to die. Must be nice never to have to think for yourself...
And speaking of thinking...if the Christian Right is good at one thing, it's thinking through the complicated issues. And quickly at that! Take note of this stand-alone comment, appearing halfway through the thread (and right in the thick of a heated debate):
By the way, I think this debate has been settled.
I find that this is how most Christian debates in which I've been involved end--with the holy-roller suddenly declaring victory and citing the Bible as the reason. At the very least, it gets them off your case if you start making sense.
He does happen to be the only God. He's also the only one who has ever made that claim. Jesus Christ is the only man who actually claimed to be one with God. [Aside from Sun Myung Moon, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Jim Jones, David Koresh, Charles Manson, every Baptist and Pentecostal minister alive and everyone who claims to be saved.] What do most world religions say about Christ? They say he was a prophet, a good man, or a teacher. What's the problem with this? It's impossible for him to merely be a good man when he claimed to be one with God. [Indeed, most men who claim to be God are not good people at all.] He even claimed to BE God. Then He gave His life for the world in order that we might be saved. No other "deity" has EVER even come close. [To YOU, anyway.] No other has ever even claimed to be the only god. None. Why? Because all other gods are spawned from satan [sic] himself and he needs them all to believe the lie that there are many gods. [All together now: How conveeeeeenient!] Yes, those who never trust in Jesus Christ as their personal Savior will go to hell. It's a fact that is written throughout the Scripture.
Jesus! Is this an Internet thread or a Chick tract?
I have included the section about paying taxes to let you know that I realize the Bible commands me to pay taxes if the government tells me to.
I swear, it's hard to tell if these people worship God or the Bible. Wouldn't Bible worship be considered idolatry? At least that what the BIBLE says...
Please consider this also: why would the hatred be so strong against this President? [See the rest of the this blog.] The answer is that the forces of evil hate him and want him gone. [Oh. I thought it was because Bush is an inarticulate, selfish, warmongering, elitist, smug and irrational prick. But it's just because I'm evil. My bad.] I'm not saying that all of you are evil or that every person who votes for Kerry is evil. I'm just saying that the deception is very strong and difficult to resist. [So Bush is really a swell guy in spite of his words, deeds, beliefs and actions?] Personally, I can see past the partisan lies and see that he is the man who should be our President. In addition the election of Kerry and his ilk is an affront to all people who believe the Bible is the Word of God. [So a vote for Kerry is not evil, yet it is heretical? Talk about a flip-flop!] There is a diabolical attempt the preachers in this country from teaching from the Bible from the pulpit of the nations churches. [Um, what?] Pending legislation in Congress is designed to muzzle the pastors, preachers, rabbis et cetera from preaching the Word of God. [I believe they're referring to to H.R. 666, the God Sucks Act of 2004. Is there no end to the heretical antics of this, uh, Republican Congress?] This country must be taken back from the insurrectionists intent upon dismantling our freedom in this country. [The country must be seized in the name of freedom? Now THAT's witty!]
REJECT THE FANATIC INSURRECTIONIST PSYCHOTIC KERRY 4 PRES
TAKE BACK AMERICA FOR THE FREEDOM LOVING CITIZENS
He's George W. Bush, and he approves this message.
Before we part this morning, let us join in one final prayer: "O deity, if there is one, please be benevolent in your blessings to our nation and all the nations in the world. And while we aware that you interfere not in the affairs of the world, such as NFL games, we please ask you to exert divine will over those who need you the most. Those would be the people who claim to know your ways most yet follow them the least, the religious right. Please bestow upon them the good judgment that so eludes them in astonishing capacity. We know, we know, the Big Bang was easier, but can you at least give it a shot? Please? I swear we'll pray to you more often! Knock some goddamn sense into them before they kill us all in your name so that they can go to heaven and spend the rest of eternity on their knees praying in hard pews. Thank you. Amen. Play ball."
Now where's that damn collection plate?