Sunday, August 29, 2004

Republican National Crock 2004

Today begins the 2004 Republican National Convention! This year marks the first GOP con ever to take place in New York City, a locale previously (and, by a long shot, still) considered a liberal haven.

The purpose of a national party convention is to "nominate" a "candidate" for the "presidential campaign." For the Republicans, the favorite seems to be a man named George "Double-U" Bush. Despite his relative lack of experience (a combined three-and-a-half years in the White House) and multiple setbacks in the areas of foreign and domestic affairs, "Double-U" is the man whom Republicans are confident is the best representative for the most powerful position in the free world.


George "Double-U" Bush Posted by Hello

In the interest of informing the general public on the logistics of the convention and its effects on its host city, party organizers have organized a helpful FAQ. This list emcompasses a broad range of topics, with special bold text accessible for the true party faithful. For your convenience, significant portions of the FAQ are reproduced here:

Q: WHEN AND WHERE WILL THE CONVENTION TAKE PLACE?

The 2004 Republican National Convention will be held in New York City at Madison Square Garden from August 30 through September 2.

Q: WHY AND HOW WAS NYC SELECTED FOR THE CONVENTION?

On January 31, 2003, the Republican National Committee (RNC) announced the selection of New York City as the host city for the 2004 GOP Convention. The city was selected by a unanimous vote of the RNC's 165 members because New York offered the best package of goods and services - including the convention complex, hotels, venues, excellent timing, Ground Zero and event funding, to name a few.


Q: WHAT COMMUNITY OUTREACH IS THE CONVENTION STAFF DOING IN NYC?

The 2004 Convention is committed to positively impacting the City through extensive community service and by making New Yorkers afraid that the next 9/11 is only a Kerry-vote away. The Committee on Arrangements for the 2004 Republican National Convention and New York City Host Committee 2004 teams have already completed more than 70 service projects amounting to over 700 hours of service on behalf of 16 community organizations throughout the five boroughs of New York City and its surrounding counties. The convention staff has performed community outreach in all five boroughs, having conducted events in Manhattan, the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn and Staten Island. Regular community service will become more frequent as the Convention-planning process advances.


Q: HOW IS THE CONVENTION FUNDED?

The Federal Election Commission provides both the Republican and Democrat conventions with nearly $15 million in federal funding, which is serious child’s play compared to The convention's remaining costs that will be met by the highly loaded New York City Host Committee 2004.

Q: WHAT IS THE HOST COMMITTEE?

The New York City Host Committee 2004 is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization, established in 2002 to attract a Republican national political convention to New York City in September to remind voters of our favorite event, 9/11. Upon being chosen to host the 2004 Republican National Convention, the Host Committee committed to privately fund the costs associated with hosting the event.

The primary goal of the Host Committee is to provide the COA with the goods and services needed to produce a successful convention while promoting New York City and the fact that 9/11 happened there and will again if everyone doesn’t vote Republican. The convention will bring to New York City significant exposure much like it got when the terrorists attacked the city on that tragic day in 2001 and an opportunity for the city to realize new and enhanced sources of Big Business, while also showcasing its unmatched diversity and hospitality and the fact that NYC was Ground Zero during 9/11.

Q: WHAT FACILITIES WILL BE USED FOR THE CONVENTION?

The convention site is Madison Square Garden. New York Governor George Pataki, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg and the Host Committee have also reached an agreement with the United States Postal Service for the use of the Farley Post Office Building (located directly adjacent to Madison Square Garden) as a work center for the thousands of members of the media that will cover the Convention. Many other New York venues will be used for official convention events, and all will be close by Ground Zero so that everyone will constantly be reminded of 9/11 at all times.

Q: HOW DO REPORTERS GET MEDIA CREDENTIALS?

The Committee on Arrangements (COA) delegated to the four Congressional Press Galleries the responsibility for handling and approving media applications for credentials and work space. Those four galleries are the Radio/TV, Daily Press, Periodical Press and Press Photographers Galleries. The online application became available in January and the deadline for applying for media credentials was May 28, 2004. There will be approximately 15,000 accredited members of the media at the convention, approximately 14,997 of which are from the friendly and compliant GOP press, and the other three are Dan Rather, Jon Stewart and Alan Colmes.

Q: WHAT IS THE ECONOMIC BENEFIT TO NYC FOR HOLDING THE CONVENTION?

In connection with the 2004 Republican National Convention, new jobs will be created, economic activity will be generated and more empty promises will be forthcoming in order to disguise the fact that we have never even attempted to do any of these things during the Bush regime. One promise that we do intend to keep is to bus in hand-picked GOP shills in order to maintain the illusion that the Republicans have any remaining ties to normal people, just like we did during the 2000 Florida recount. Except that this year, we have gone off the scale with more than 50,000 visitors that will come to New York to experience everything the city has to offer - many for the first time because the basic sensibility of native New Yorkers usually keeps conservatism far, far away.

Over the last year, convention leadership has built relationships with key cultural, business and civic organizations so that every sector of the city's economic, terroristic and social makeup can make this convention a success for the Republicans, who intend to exploit all of the worst fears of American citizens by staging its four-day fear-fest in the heart of Ground Zero.

Convention staff is working to keep local businesses informed about new and existing contractual arrangements, as well as collaborating on non-traditional ways that this event can benefit the GOP by the virtue of reminding voters of 9/11, the greatest thing ever to happen to the Republicans, as well as the worst thing ever to happen to New York's economic climate. Convention planners are visiting with local business leaders, tourism representatives, civic groups and community-based organizations to ascertain the best way to play on the fears of still-scared New Yorkers.

Q: HAS THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION EVER BEEN HELD IN NEW YORK?

This is the first time in Republican Party history that New York City will host the Republican National Convention. New York has previously hosted Democratic Conventions (1868, 1924, 1976, 1980, 1992), but this is the city's first Republican nominating convention, because up to this point NYC has always skewed Democrat and still will this time, but not if we can remind the Big Apple that we still own its only resource against the terrorism that just happened to happen right here at almost this exact date three years ago. Remember 9/11 and vote Republican if you know what’s good for you.

Q: WHAT SECURITY PRECAUTIONS WILL BE TAKEN TO PROTECT THE CONVENTION?

The Department of Homeland Security designated the Republican National Convention a National Special Security Event in July 2003, which means that the U.S. Secret Service coordinates all federal assets and NYPD directs operational security. Other agencies, including the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, and various state and local law enforcement authorities, are also participating to ensure that a comprehensive security plan is in place, a collaboration that will no doubt work just as well as it did on that tragic day in 2001 when terrorists hijacked planes and crashed them into the World Trade Center, just down the street from Madison Square Garden, which is what we want you to remember as you enjoy our September convention right at Ground Zero. There is no better or more experienced team of law enforcement professionals in the world. Every possible precaution is being taken to ensure that New York hosts a safe and successful convention, in order to show the terrorists—who attacked America right here three years ago—that they will not win if the Republicans do.


Q: HOW WILL DELEGATES TRAVEL BETWEEN THE GARDEN AND THE HOTEL? WILL THEY USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION? HOW WILL NYC COMMUTERS BE AFFECTED BY THE CONVENTION?

The 2004 Republican National Convention recently announced a transportation plan that will efficiently move delegates, party officials, guest speakers and other supporters throughout the city during the four-day convention - all while allowing New Yorkers to commute as usual. Designed in coordination with the New York City Police Department, New York City Department of Transportation, United States Secret Service, and other city and state agencies, the plan effectively incorporates several modes of transportation to move attendees to and from official convention business at Madison Square Garden and encourages them to explore the city, especially Ground Zero, where terrorists tragically crashed airplanes into the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. While you’re there, reflect upon the importance of voting Republican.

Watch for continuing convention coverage at Not Right About Anything as the extremely planned events develop. Meanwhile, enjoy the convention!

7 comments:

Michael said...

Double-U. Does that stand for "Unqualified and Unelectable"? "Uppity and Unbearable"? "Ugly and Uneducable"? "Useless and Unprincipled"?

Inquiring minds want to know these things!

Ian McGibboney said...

Michael, yes.

PusBoy said...

The GOP Convention: The Whitest Show on Earth!

Ian McGibboney said...

If this year's con is anything like the 200 RNC, the cameras will be panning on every black person in the building. Watch for Alan Keyes, J.C. Watts and...uh...a lot of custodians.

As D.L. Hughley says in "The Original Kings of Comedy," "If you can count how many brothas have been in your house, you racist like a muthaf***a!" (Anonymous says I curse too much.)

Ian McGibboney said...

That should have said the 2000 convention, not the 200 convention. Oops. Then again, it's not as if any of the GOP's ideas have changed since 200 anyway...

Michael said...

Is J.C. Watts even still in politics? I thought he'd gone back home to Oklahoma and dropped off the national radar. And I'd be surprised if the cameras gave Mr. Keyes too much love--and even more so if there were any major Republicans willing to share the same camera frame with him. He went postal (rhetorically, not actually) on an interviewer in Chicago over the weekend, when asked to clarify his "everybody should be able to own a machine gun" remarks in light of an Illinois state law that clearly bans anything like an automatic weapon. (Though Keyes, being a Marylander, could be forgiven for not knowing that. Oh, wait. He wants to be the next U.S. Senator from Illinois. Never mind.) Colin's dissing the Shrubbery. So that leaves Condoliesherarseoff. Is there another black Republican?

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, Clarence Thomas. And Antonin Scalia, if you count the robe.