Saturday, July 31, 2004

Just say no to "Just Say No"

Report: Bush taking drugs to combat stress

No, this isn't some old news about Bush's numerous alleged substance trysts. This is in the now:

The prescription drugs, administered by Col. Richard J. Tubb, the White House physician, can impair the President’s mental faculties and decrease both his physical capabilities and his ability to respond to a crisis, administration aides admit privately.

“It’s a double-edged sword,” says one aide. “We can’t have him flying off the handle at the slightest provocation but we also need a President who is alert mentally.”

Presidential protocol calls for all medical prescriptions to remain private. And thus the speculation begins. In an unintentionally hilarious development, the breaking point had to do with Kenny Boy!

Tubb prescribed the anti-depressants after a clearly-upset Bush stormed off stage on July 8, refusing to answer reporters' questions about his relationship with indicted Enron executive Kenneth J. Lay.

“Keep those motherfuckers away from me,” he screamed at an aide backstage. “If you can’t, I’ll find someone who can.”

Supposedly, Adolf Hitler had his aides injected him with methamphetamines several times a day during the crumbling of the Third Reich. If you know anything about meth, you know that it makes you really PARANOID (or, at the very least, wide awake). So that was probably a bad idea.

Disclaimer! I'm not at all implying that Bush is on crystal meth, just that he evidently shares many of the traits that Hitler displayed as World War II slipped out of his outstretched hand. The article doesn't mention the Hitler connection, but does compare Bush's behavior to the late-term antics of Nixon (talking to presidential portraits) and Reagan (early-onset Alzheimer's).

As a human being, I feel bad for Bush. He's been dealt the addiction card and has played it more times in his life than has been good for him. Over time, he's cleaned up and allegedly relapsed numerous times. This bodes badly for him as a leader. If he handles the presidency this badly, then maybe we should seriously reconsider his position, for health reasons if nothing else. Then we could symbolically hand over the reins to Dick Cheney, whose health is...ah, forget it...

Read more about our fearless leader here

11 comments:

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oyster said...

dickless inbreed

Ian McGibboney said...

But was the quote WRONG? He never said...

Michael J Gallimore said...

Great story, Ian. I've long suspected that performance enhancers or supressers (or both) were involved. Can't wait to see how the American Journal covers this one.

Anonymous said...

Hello Infidels!How are ya?
Seems to me you need to upload an MP3 of that little rant of Dubya's.

Drudge has a little rant
MP3 of his own.

Kerry once again not missing an opportunity to reach out....unfortunantely...the would be comander and chief was dissed by future subordinates.. ..."Well, golly. Surprise surprise surprise."Troll sighting!Troll Manifesto!RDDB's Finest!Where the "geniuses" gather to share ideas.Liberal bias - definition, meaning, explanation & information in free-definition.com -Your loving fiend,
J.A. Olinger

Anonymous said...

That MP# of the baloon guy is a riot! lmao

Ian McGibboney said...

Okay, this hasn't made sense for about 80 words now...

Anonymous said...

Do you honestly take "Capitol Hill Blue" seriously?

-Ashley

Anonymous said...

Well, looks like others can vote.

I got 3 for the first answer and 1 for the 2nd answer.




-J.A Olinger