Friday, July 30, 2004

I love Republicans!

Here's the latest in my ongoing effort to bring out the real and desperate face of conservatism, circa summer 2004:

At my favorite hangout IMAO, they were going absolutely orgasmic over the picture of John Kerry in that silly green suit. Of course, the 126 comments there were the educated observations you would expect of such a fine conservative bastion. Pay particular note to the repeated references to colons, condoms and sperm (and, as always, the piss-poor spelling and grammar is untouched):

"Tuh-ray-zuh, i'm wearing my cute little PJs with the flap in the back..."
"Kerry dons an over-sized prophylactic, and gives a dramatic reenactment of how his little willie made him big millionare!"
"Kerry gets down on hands and knees, and demonstrates his "position" on foreign policy. He wears protective garments, so that "those UN guys don't get me all sloppy".
"Plaqued with questions about his manhood, democratic challenger John Kerry tours an oversized model uterus dressed as a sperm"
"John Kerry, what a homo."
"Nothing says Effiminate Douchebag like the latest in French jumpsuit fashion."
"Hey, what am I doing in Michael Moore's small intestine?"
"In Style News today, Senator Kerry, who served in Vietnam, models the latest in official DNC convention wear: color-coordinated prophylactic apparel designed to cleverly hide those unsightly liberal-moonbat circumcision scars."
"John Kerry suits up in preparation for Michael Moore's yearly cleansing"
"The Klingon can stay, but the leftist in the sperm suit has got to go!"
"The problem here was that the U-joints weren't greased enough, plus there was this (holds up Skeleton of Whole Moose) stuck in the Exsauhst, other than that Mr. Moore should be good for another 3,000 miles."
"No. Really. It's just this suit - I'm not an actual dickhead!"
"What? You found that in my colonoscopy?"
"I made a poopie...tee...hee...hee."
"John Kerry emerges from the exam room after performing a visual self-colonoscopy."
"Umpa, umpa, umpa di do, Michael Moore has another poopie for you."
"BikerMommy: instestinal virus! I love that! That is so right on, and not just for the picture! A virus is intrusive, vile, painful, untreatable, nauseating, and it cleans you out. Bravo!"
"The suppository goes in which way?"
"Hoping to gain the support of women voters, John Kerry dons his sperm suit."
"Mission accomplished! I stopped up the drain hole so they can't flush the Johns now!!"
"I made a poopie...tee...hee...hee."
"Turns out, it's not very funny at all when you fart in a spacesuit."
"ya know, seeing that big, dorky smile on his face it make one wonder where exactly that big white hose behind him leads to..."
"Wow, Michael Moore's rectum is REALLY big......."
"Kerry "When I was fighting in Vietnam, we didn't have the full-body condom like the one I'm a matter of fact..what THE?? Glenn??? What are you doing back there?? Get offa me!"

"Poor 3 eyed mutant Bass Turd."

Of course, you just KNOW I had something to say…

Yeah, go ahead, attack his outfit! After all, your president knows better than to dress up in silly costumes (like, say, flight suits) and strut around...

Stick to the issues. Oh, wait, you can't...

Posted by Ian McGibboney at July 29, 2004 01:53 AM

Somewhere down the line, in between the John Kerry poopie jokes and the Michael Moore colon obsession, a few people called out the lone party pooper:

Dear Ian McGibboney,

Sure, I can stick to the issues. For example, just now I had this nearly uncontrollable urge to call you Ian McGibbon, but I didn't.

Posted by Paul at July 29, 2004 11:22 AM

Ian McGibbon-face,(see what I did there?)
It's probably not a good idea to come to a site with opposing views, and challenge them on what they're saying. Like, I just went to your website, totally not expecting it to have any logic or make any sense or be good at all, and you didn't let me down. I didn't go there and say, hey mr. dude, how about some actual facts here? Or how about you find out what the issues are so you can stick to them? So....IMAO is probably not the place for you....muckadoos...erm they're all the same.... In closing, righties rule, lefties drool.
(See what I did there?? Threw in a little french to confuse him...LOL)

Posted by Jen at July 29, 2004 04:17 PM

Inspired by this oh-so-hilarious-and-inspirational political exchange, these people were courteous enough to visit my site! Not that they’d bother to, you know, tell me.

Jen, he admits at the top of his page that he's "not right about anything." At least he realizes it.
Posted by beo at July 29, 2004 04:36 PM

A common thread in IMAO posts is the propensity for major butt-kissing of the almighty god of the site, some guy named Frank. Many of the posts are of the “I humbly send this in for your consideration” strain. Apparently Big Frank’s standards allow only for the truth, for my favorite post of the whole thread shows a lot of inherent truth about conservatives in 2004:

And I see there was a muckadoo here earlier asking you to stick to the issues.... Someone needs to teach these muckadoos to respect their betters. LOL

Posted by Jen at July 29, 2004 01:28 PM

Just for fun, let’s dissect this comment:

1) “And I see there was a muckadoo…”

What the hell is a “muckadoo?”

2) “…here earlier asking you to stick to the issues....we're REPUBLICANS.”

Oops, my bad then…

3) “we're REPUBLICANS. We can do whatever we wanna.”

Yes you can. And you do. Which is why you make Kerry in his space suit look studly.

4) “Someone needs to teach these muckadoos to respect their betters.”

Their betters? The GOP? To that I have to say:

5) "LOL"

Amen, Jen.

So the wingnuts on the right are name-calling, self-righteous, childish, issue-less morons hiding behind untraceable pseudonyms? Is this even news anymore? Rock the vote!!


Nick said...

Yeah, people on the left NEVER revert to name calling, right?

Anonymous said...

Where I wouldn't put it past a Left winger to "revert to namecalling" it does seem as if the left side is able to stick more to the issues more than the right.

I find that the right side is, well, just plain mean. Take for example the Kerry picture -- what facts does the humor involving the picture bring to light? I could make fun of Bush in his flight suit -- but I think there are some ironies in Bush wearing a flight suit the become obvious using humor. Saying Kerry looks like a "full body condom" in the suit is... well... just mean and childish.

The thing that I fail to understand about it all is that is I think the right is proud of being mean. A lot of right-winged mockers think it's important to look tough and step on anyone who doesn't -- so if someone doesn't look tough, well, find a picture of them looking less-tough and then laugh at that. Well, if that's the best you guys can do it's weak and says a lot for future president Kerry.


Ian McGibboney said...

Ashley, I think that's true. I see the value of a well-placed jab when it can relate to a significant political point (i.e., the irony of Bush's flight suit). But Kerry looking like a condom shoved up in Michael Moore's rectum? What exactly is the redeeming value of that?

Anonymous said...


Can you say joke? I know you can. "Juh-oke", good.

Now can you say humor. I know you can. "hyoo-mur", good.
I am so proud of you. You are doing great.

We are almost finished........

Now look at Frank J's, I mean..."Rush of the Bloggers"(which is a compliment, by the way), page for new visitors.

It's in the left hand *'gutter' (*blog-speak) towards the top.

Or do you just read the comments and ignore Frank J.'s helpful links?

See where it says:
"New to IMAO? Click here to see what we're all about." ?

***{Even on drugs Rush was kicking "lib-dem-girly-man" butt.}***

It's supposed to be comic relief, satire.


And yes it can be childish at times, but hey, it's just a way to blow off steam.

(I guess I could be shootin hippies instead but that isn't going to get me anywhere but a cold cell....that's a juh-oke son.....

{I'd rather expend my ammo on Islamofascists, after all they don't care what your dang politics are.}

.......I used to be an uber-liberal-commie-socialist-RDDB-pot smoking-acid eating-smack pokin-fornic8ing-anti/Christian-demoncrat like yourselves.

So I know how you think.

Whuh hahahaha. -evil 'VRWC-neocon' laughter)

Not all of us can be like you RDDB's........

(oh for you hippie-commie-socialists out there in Lib-Dem-Land,
it means "Red Diaper Doper Babies".

Read 'The Savage Nation' by Michael Savage............

"who was a Weiner, but now he's Savage to the core",

............for more details and insight on the problem with you "sheeple".)

....and indulge in the pervisity of choice (AC/DC or AC/AC or DC/DC), or escape through various mind altering substances. Which I tried and inhaled, coughed, inhaled again. But nothing has ever come close to satisfying me like the love I have from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

By the way if I didn't say yet, we don't worship Frank J. It is all in fun, in jest, we also give him grief too. Should you get around to reading the insults we gave him for missing SarahK.'s birfday. Man did he ever get a lashing too.

I Am a Horrible Person

It was SarahK's, the IMAO T-Shirt Babe, birthday yesterday, and I forgot to make any metion of it or even wish her happy birthday. This makes me less than dirt and almost as bad as a muckadoo.

Everyone must now write something mean and horrible about me in the comments and then something nice about SarahK.

Posted by Frank J. at 12:20 PM | Comments (73) | TrackBack (1)

And this is all the love we showered on SarahK.:

I hope it took you a long time to figure out what I was saying here.
You might want to re-read it, as I only have public HS diploma, and I may have made many gramatical errors....not to mention my horrible sentence structure, not to mention spelling.

That takes care of at least some of the insults soon to be slung back at me.

I love being a RIGHT winger. RIGHT, get it? I am RIGHT !!!!

And you have the right to be wrong.

God bless you and God bless America.

-J.A. Olinger

p.s.- you are pretty funny for a Democwat....uuhhuuhhhuhhhuu.

Ian McGibboney said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ian McGibboney said...

Let's see if I've broken down your points correctly:

1) I'm dumb.
2) I can't take a joke.
3) I can't read.
4) All liberals hate god, do drugs and have wanton sex.

Whoever said, "brevity is the soul of wit," was obviously thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Since I totally slayed you with my "brevity". .... #:o))

...I really don't know what else can say to add to that?

I think I have made some fine, rather longish.... maybe, points.

I-din't-'jus-do-dat-thin-der-fer-you, I-did-it-fer-yer-con·stit·u·en·cy'.

I figured they needed a lesson in the humor of the VRWC.
We are indeed a unique breed. We are definently not muckadoos.
(well there might be a few, but they will get their booty kicked soon enough.)

Since I am only a HS graduate who didn't attend any of the "finer" elite, liberal academies, in this fine fine country. I had to look up the words.

I really dig -Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary it's groovy I learn new words all the time. -Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary yea baby,

Man, I wish I knew HTML...RWD is gonna help me wit dat I think...maybe ..hasn't replied yet.

Anyway I was just lobin bombs at cha brah!

Your gonna laugh at this:

-The Word of the Day for July 31 is: poignant • \POY-nyunt\  • adjective
1 : pungently pervasive
2 a (1) painfully affecting the feelings : piercing *(2) deeply affecting : touching b : designed to make an impression : cutting
3 a : pleasurably stimulating b : being to the point : apt

Example sentence:
During the poignant scene in the movie where the long-lost lovers were reunited, sniffles could be heard throughout the theater.

Did you know?
"Poignant" comes to us from Anglo-French, and before that from Latin—specifically, the Latin verb "pungere," meaning "to prick or sting." Several other common English words derive from "pungere," including "pungent," which can refer to, among other things, a "sharp" odor. The influence of "pungere" can also be seen in "puncture," as well as "punctual," which originally meant simply "of or relating to a point." Even "compunction" and "expunge" come from this pointedly relevant Latin word.

*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence.

Hmm I know I will teach myself HTML.......

Well here goes.
Look at my blog entry page......hmmmm.....what's allthisa scwoooshed together looks freaky...oh I bet that is what they call html...I always wondered what the stuff was just geek speak to me...what's the other one...or two..when you are trying to figure out your e-mail settings?

Crap, it's all geek to me.
-J.A. OlingerLove ya LibDem buddy.

-J.A. Olinger-J.A. Olinger-J.A. Olinger-J.A. Olinger-J.A. Olinger-J.A. Olinger

Ian McGibboney said...

You should be on the radio! That way, I could turn you off.