Saturday, July 31, 2004
Fall fashion for fascists
Putting the "shit" in "shirt"
At last! The most honest Bush-Cheney shirt I've ever seen!
At last! A shirt that shows off the friendly face of compassionate America! Sure, that face looks like Skeletor, He-Man's old nemesis, but then again, Peace Isn't Pretty. And I'm sure that deep down he has a heart of gold. Or is that the flames?
At last! A shirt that shows the true meaning of compassionate conservatism and the importance of unity, not division. So "Pansies, hippies, dirt bags and freaks, shut up and stay out of the way."
At last! A shirt that alerts us to the heretofore unknown fact that the War on Terror is a dirty job!
This shirt is available (for $18.99, because Freedom isn't Free) at Metrospy, an online W-Mart that carries this odd disclaimer:
"Campaign finance law does not allow proceeds from this Site to benefit the Bush-Cheney campaign. This law applies to ALL political merchandise websites, INCLUDING THE OFFICIAL BUSH '04 STORE. If you support the President, one of the best places to buy t-shirts and buttons is right here, with METROSPY! :)"
With that doubletalk out of the way, Metrospy describes its shirt in a way that would make Bill O'Reilly nod with approval:
"If you listen to the nutty-left: People like Al Gore, Michael Moore, John Kerry, Howard Dean, Mad Donna, Jorge Soros and others, they expect Americans to roll over and cave in to terrorism. Fortunately, none of these screwballs run the country. The only way to stop terror is to fight terror. Terorrists [sic] must be hunted down and killed. - It's a dirty job. Thank God we have a President willing to do what has to be done."
Outside the Beltway is raving about the shirt in ways I couldn't spoof if I tried:
"You've never seen a Bush-Cheney T-Shirt like this before. This historic piece of political swag is destined to incite near riots on every college campus in America. Be part of the action and order this amazing T-Shirt today! Click to Order the Greatest Bush-Cheney T-Shirt Ever Made."
"100% cotton"...guaranteed to shrink in heat. Like Bush.
"Strong, durable and guaranteed to last." Unlike Bush.